The Very Thought
by Da'khari
Summary: Sam Evans and Cedes Jones come from two very different worlds, having just discovered the totality of their history their worlds are turned upside down, as the each try to figure out and deal with their histories in a time when all everyone else wants to do is forget or recreate it
1. Chapter 1

**The Very Thought**

 **Sam**

Sam's head hit the soft cushion like a ton of bricks and he was out for the count seconds later, he slept for a solid 4 hours before he stirred feeling like all the liquid had been sucked out of his body and he was about to take his last breath "Water" he stifled out before panic set in at him perishing in this place "I need water" he waved his hands frantically as he saw shapes running towards him

"Sir you need water, drink this" a woman's voice said in his ear, he felt something touch his mouth, regardless of the stories he'd heard he needed water, he couldn't even see who this person was but one thing was for sure he needed water, he grabbed the object and drunk until he felt he was drowning.

"Thank you" he gasped as he tried to catch his breath "Thank you" he grabbed out to catch the person he was talking to until his vision returned "I think you saved my life" he smiled at the elderly woman that stood over him

"You need to go to your room Sir" she told him in her thick Jamaican accent "The sun kills you know" she laughed watching him get up slowly and wonder off

He got to his hotel room and breathed when the air being circulated by the fans hit his face, he threw himself in the only chair in the room and basked in the cool air his eyes closed and his head facing the ceiling fan, his arms wide open to catch air all over his body "God that's good" he lay back smiling. The room at the Jamaica Inn overlooked the large pool accessible from the balcony, it was a small room housing a chair that lived by the balcony door, the bed was the largest piece of furniture in the room with a dresser and wardrobe, to the right of the chair there was a small bathroom with tub, wash basin and toilet. His thoughts were interrupted by loud noises coming from a room in the vicinity "Talk about vocal" he laughed grabbing the fresh newspaper near the bedside when he recognised the sounds

Sam was the Great Great Grandson of a well known slave master on the island of Jamaica back then, his Great Great Grandfather was born in 1810, well before slavery had been abolished in Jamaica, the great Samuel Evans owned nearly half of the land at the time of his great reign and eventually split it between his 6 young children, before he passed in the early 1840s of young man's disease.

By the late 1850s, when slavery was no longer a prosperous opportunity, the young family took the payout along with what little slaves they had left and returned to America looking for areas that had no slavery restrictions. The family ended up in Tennessee and afforded a good run of prosperity, until the 1880's when it was all but eradicated in America. At that point Great Grandfather Evans, at nearing 50 years old, was intending to make the decision to flee to Brazil, he was all but ready until in the early 1888 the message came that slavery had been abolished there too. His first wife died shortly after that in childbirth, after which he took a young wife and had 1 more child, which was Sam's Grandfather, his Great Grandfather took a sudden illness and died at the age of nearly 60 just before Sam's Grandfather was born in 1889 the youngest of a total of 3 children.

Sam's Great Grandfather had left his mark on the family, owning people was engrained in them, and although they took to coal mining they still had workers doing hard labour for pittance pay, all the hard grafting was still done in the main by the thriving free black community. True they didn't actually own these people outright but they paid them enough to keep them needing to come back and that was Sam's hard to swallow pill, they were for all intents and purposes still slave trading. It seemed like nobody in the family agreed with the goings on, but none of them were willing to make a change either, he became frustrated with living oblivious like that.

Sam's father was born in 1909, married when he was 21 as was almost traditional, Sam being a 30s child, was shielded while he was of school age, but once he went off to college the world became bigger for him and he realised his gripes weren't just his but nearly everyone who wanted to live in a free world. It was 1956 now and he'd just had his 21st Birthday for him that was liberation from childhood to manhood, but for his father that meant it was time for him to find a wife, and produce more children to allow the bigoted values that had somehow become the backbone of his family ethos to carry on. How was he supposed to focus on that when people were still being treated like slaves in parts of the country, when the family of his so called wife to be was very much for the incarceration of human beings because of the colour of their skin, there was a revolt going on for crying out loud. His focus was on justice and his music, he was putting words to music way before the world was ready to hear what he had to say, he was singing love, forgetting about hate and even questioning religion all topics that made him stand out as rebellious.

"Shit" he jumped up saying when he realised that the screams were getting louder, he grabbed his door key and left his room in search of the noise "What the Hell..." he walked down the corridor saying as it became apparent that someone was being hurt. Finding the door the noise was coming from, he kicked it open "What are you doing?" he asked of a man standing over a woman with a belt in his hand

"Mind your business" the man looked up telling him still holding the woman down

"This is everyone's business, when you decide to come to a hotel to beat your wife" he told him turning as he heard muffled chat going on behind him

"Get off her" a voice from behind him shouted as two men came forward to stand next to him, the man did as told and walked out the room leaving the woman to sort herself out, the other women standing in the doorway, ran to her aid and the men left them to it, Sam walked off shaking his head, he could never understand why a man would find himself a wife to mistreat her

"Hello" he looked up shocked as he walked back into his room to find a young girl standing there

"I came to bring water, the cook said you nearly died" she almost threw the jug down saying in her thick native accent, as she stepped past him and walked out

"Thank you" he said quietly, she was already at shouting distance "Nice service, not" he said under his breath as he stood watching her walk, unsure where his mind was going just then, but the only word that jumped out at him was challenge

 **Cedes**

Cedes had been getting culture schooled now she was 21, and the things she was reading weren't impressing her at all, she'd started her journey into her black history from as far back as the 1600s looking at the British influences in the trading of her forefathers to farm sugar, rum and molasses, the so called three sided trade ring that the British boasted about, the rebellions that followed, instigated by various groups around Jamaica which finally fed into the abolition of slavery on her Island. Although slavery was officially abolished early 1800 it took some 30 years to get into the brains of some slave owners, she'd looked into achieves and found out that her mothers family master was called Evans born in the 1790s a direct descendant of this Samuel Evans she figured, and that name was proudly handed down through generations like some sort of trophy for what they'd done. So the fact that she'd been sent to a room to give yet another Samuel Evans water because he was dying was a spit in her ancestors eye, he should have been left to die, that's what his fate should have been, she huffed as she walked away from his hotel room

She got to the end of the corridor still mad as she tried to understand how one human being could do such things to another and not even have a damn conscience about it, surely he must know the history too, why the hell would he come back here and expect us to cater for his every damn need. She finished her shift thanking God that she hadn't had to visit Mr Evans' room again that day, because she'd have lost her job for not being able to keep her mouth shut around the man, he looked so arrogant.

This history thing had made her even doubt her religion, she was thinking about how slavery had been something her forefathers had brought into and how those from the west had used Christianity as a tool to keep their slaves submissive. For now she was happy that she believed in God, there had to be something after this life, but maybe the bible had the series of events twisted in the slave masters favour, so as well as finding her true self she was also in search of the true God.

 **Sam**

The next morning after breakfast Sam took a trip around the Island, he was trying to find a truth for himself , he'd read the stories, listened to some hearsay about events that might have happened but he felt if his Great Great Grandfather was responsible for so much slavery and death, there had to be a reason why, it couldn't have really just been greed. His hired driver had picked him up and he'd started out in Kingston visiting areas his parents had told him belonged to his family back in the day, he was met with nothing but ruins, shanty towns and locked up churches he visited Black River, Discovery Bay which was still very busy with shipping, but still no evidence of there being any positive heritage left from his family, Montego Bay was full of tourist and it was hard to establish who was responsible for prosperity there, there really was no evidence to say his forefathers had left anything positive that the natives would want to carry on

Early afternoon and he was on the last of his days travel stopping at a house, the other side of Montego Bay to where he was staying, his oldest uncle always spoke about this place with a passion "Hello" he smiled as a small child came to the door "Could I speak to your Father?" he asked the smiling child, who ran off as soon as he spoke

In the distance he was looking at the Old Court House a place history told him was fundamental in the great slave rebellion of Christmas 1831, it was abandoned now but he stood imagining all the planning, fighting and death that might have happened in that place. He wondered for a second if his uncle was with or against the people that resided here, his stories sort of said he turned a blind eye but the reception he got now would reveal the truth in that story

"Can I help you Sir?" a woman came to the door asking

"Yes I was looking to speak to the man on the house, if you don't mind" he smiled

"He's in the field, he'll be back in about an hour" she told him as he saw a child run off, obviously to go get him

"I'll wait in the car" Sam told her pointing at his cab

"No, you'll die in the heat come in have a cold drink" she smiled her accent making him have to listen to catch the conversation, her hand action telling him more than her words "Come in Mr..."

"Sam, my name's Sam" he smiled shaking her hand as he entered the house, he found a seat and sat watching the women in the house go about their tasks, cooking, cleaning, washing and chatting, their accent too thick for him to follow, while he sipped his cool lemonade. The ladies broke into song and he could almost lay back and fall asleep at the hum, he was nearly there when he heard footsteps on the pouch that told him someone was entering the house, he moved in the chair to shake himself awake before jumping up "Sir" he smiled when the man entered the house

"Sir" the dark skinned, man came walking towards him saying as Sam held his hand out for shaking

"My Uncle told me about this place, and asked me to visit" he told him "His name's Ben Evans"

"Sorry that means nothing to me, My name's Alvin Douglas" he stood telling him

"Oh sorry, I seem to have wasted your time" Sam told him a little red faces

"No not at all, maybe you should speak to my wife, her Mother's maiden name was Evans"

"It was?" Sam asked surprised, somehow he'd expected to find a male bloodline, Alvin called his wife through and they sat talking about stories from their history for a long while "I realised this goes nowhere when we look back at the history between our families" Sam said looking angry for the horrible stories Ann had passed over speaking of torture, rape, drugging, starvation, murder and pillage, all things he'd heard previously but coming from someone that seemed to be feeling the pain of her forefathers it was horrific "But I'm truly ..."

"Sorry is that what you were going to say?" a voice came from the doorway interrupting him

"Yes it..."

"...Well don't bother, she might forgive, she's still at Massa stage but I never will Mr Evans"

"Cedes" Grandma Ann hissed across the room "Stop it"

"Stop what?" she looked at her asking "He comes in here like we owe him something, coming with a sorry for the hundreds of years his kind ill-treated us and you want to listen to his sorry?" she rolled her eyes asking

"Even so Cedes, we shouldn't be rude about it" her Grandfather told her "Your Grandmother will deal with this however she sees fit, now go do your chores" she stood staring at Sam for a while before she actually turned and went to do as her Grandfather had asked "Sorry, she's a bitter young woman, she just needs time to adjust, she's just started looking into our history" he turned to Sam telling him

"She wasn't lying" Sam told him "But I really do want to apologise for what my forefathers did, it was wrong, very wrong" he said getting up to leave "It was very nice of you to take the time to talk to me about this" he shook hands telling them as he left

"I hate people like you" he heard as he walked across the yard to get to his cab, turning to see Cedes standing with her hand as her right hip shouting at him "You think you can just say sorry and then go back to your perfect life where everything is laid on a damn table for you, probably by some Mammy you still call Jane or some shit name like that" she spat at him

"As I said to your Grandmother, that was my forefathers I can't do anything about what they did, but I can assure you, that's not how I plan to live my life" he turned to tell her "And just so you know I take issue with the way you keep wrapping me in the same cloth as those barbarians" he told her jumping in the cab before she could say anything else

"Well as far as I'm concerned you are one of those barbarians" she shouted after the cab as Sam sat looking at her

"What is her damn problem?" he sat looking at her ranting as the car moved making her smaller "She damn well.." he searched for a word to express his feelings "Excites me when she mad" he smiled finally turning to watch where the cab was taking him "Challenge" he whispered

 **Cedes**

Cedes stood shouting her feelings at the moving cab, that man had just been talking to her Grandmother and she heard the stories, some she knew bits of but she'd told this man some detail and she couldn't understand how her Grandmother sat there and smiled at the man after what his people had done to hers. Maybe she was programmed just like it had said in that book she'd been reading last week, that bible had a lot to damn well answer to "And don't come back snake" she shouted as she saw the last of the dust settle after the cab in the distance

"Cedes" her Grandmother called, she turned and went running back round to the back of the house to find her

"Grandma?" she replied when she found her

"You can't be like that with young Evans, yes his people did some bad things, to not just our family but many people, but it wasn't him. We have to live in this world and they are part of it" she smiled grabbing her granddaughters hand "So we try not to be as harmful as they were, we learn to show them kindness, learning by example we call it" she smiled

"Sorry Grandma but I call it rolling over"

"How do you come to that?"

"It's like, how does a child know manners if it's parents don't tell them the difference between rude and polite?"

"Well that's why you have parents"

"So I think we need to look at ourselves as parents, they obviously don't know the difference between right and wrong or slavery would never have existed"

"Maybe not at the beginning but they eradicated it in the end, because they knew it was wrong"

"Because they were forced to Grandma that's not the same"

"Child all I know is you can't bring back the past, you can only try and look to the future, and if they're going nowhere and we sure ain't going nowhere, we need to find a way to live together, apart, but together"

"So you agree with him coming in here rubbing our noses in it?"

"If you'd have listened to him you'd know he was struggling with his past just as much as you are , he's hurt about what his family did"

"Hurt?" she giggled sarcastically

"Yes hurt, he's here searching for a reason as to why one human being would want to buy another, and he's also searching for the logic behind why his family thought that buying people was a good thing to do" she looked into her granddaughters eyes "You still so remind me of my Mother, she was a militant woman too, all for the equal rights and everything that's why my family settled here near the Old Court House" she looked over at the disused building in the distance "You have her eyes with the same fire" she rubbed Cedes cheek telling her "Put it to good use" she told her getting up to kiss her forehead before walking away from her

Cedes sat thinking about what her Grandma had said, it was alright looking at things from the other side of that imaginary fence, but the divide was real, the struggle was real and she couldn't or didn't want to understand why someone would need to question or even sit to wonder, how they'd became part of the privileged few "Cedes" she heard a familiar voice and got up to go see her Mother, getting and giving her usual hugs.

Her Mother lived in St Ann's with her Father, they worked in the newly built Rio Hotel, that was what they did, go around setting up and getting standards set in various hotels around the Island. Her Father came from St Ann's, so when the opportunity came up for them to work there they took Luke; her 15 year old brother, and went to stay with her Grandparents Jones; her Dad's parents. Cedes was already working in the hotel in Montego Bay so it seemed logical she stayed and keep her grandparents here company.

"Pops just told me what you've been up to, mind your manners girl" she told her as she hugged her "Remember you always need to be the better person"

"I'll try, how's Pops?" she enquired of her father "And Luke?"

"They're good, working" she told her as she took some delights out of her bag for her

"Hmm chocolate" she rubbed her hands together smiling as she saw the wrapper

"Yes all the way from England, you know where those people you don't like come from, but you love their chocolate" her Mom laughed teasing her with the bar in her hand as Cedes tried to grab it, she finally gave it to her "And the moral of the story is?" she asked as they both held the bar of chocolate

"Eat the chocolate in private, I guess"

"No" she laughed "There are always two sides to every story"

"Yeah there's a slave and an owner" she laughed as her Mom let go of the bar, rolling her eyes as she watched her walk away, she could be so stubborn sometimes _'why is everyone on his side?"_ she thought as she walked looking around at all her brainwashed family _'That bible stuff'_ she frowned

 **Sam**

He sat back in the cab taking in all the information he'd been given from Ann and Alvin, it had painted a completely different picture to the prosperous one his Grandfather and the others had painted, he felt even more ashamed than he did before he started the journey. That Cedes or whatever her name was had it cut right, he should be ashamed, something that had started some 400 plus years ago was still impacting on these people's lives that was true but, they needed to know how it was impacting on his life too. He sat remembering her words _'You think you can just say sorry and then go back to your perfect life'_ and laughed to himself "If she only knew" he said, when he'd left America he'd thought that but obviously his mind had changed now. He needed a new identity something that set him apart from the haters on both sides because truly he hated no one, except maybe his parents right now as he remembered what was waiting for him back home

 _"Emma's a nice girl Sam" he remembered his Mother shouting at him because he'd just told them he wasn't going to fall into their traditional trap, he wanted someone he loved_

 _"We're talking about the rest of my life here Mother, I won't be tied to someone I don't even like and children too" he huffed "It's not me, it's not what I want for my life" he'd shouted back, what he really wanted to say is her family treat people like commodities and that just didn't sit right with everything he wanted to stand for, and no they weren't getting the opportunity to treat him like one either_

 _"I think you'll find it's what we've agreed for you and we both know children don't disobey their parents around here" his Father told him like that was the final word on it_

 _"I'm not disobeying I just need some time" he'd lied "I just need to get my head round this, I need to get away from here for a bit" he told them,_ two hours later he was standing at the train station with his case and an hour after that he was at the airport getting on a rather noisy plane to Jamaica looking for his roots. He was jerked out of his thought when the cab stopped and he realised he was back at the hotel, making his way to his room he decided he needed to make a call, picked the phone up and asked for a line

"Mother" he said coldly when the phone picked up "I'm fine, I had to get away I'm in Jamaica for a few days and I'll be back next week" he told her as she worried herself with his well-being "I'm not rebelling" he laughed sarcastically, checking the time, he knew he was answering a few more questions before his time ran out and when it finally bleeped he was happy to put the phone down.

He had room service for his evening meal and sat on the balcony watching the night sky until sleep crept up on him, he closed the doors, rolled into bed pulling the mosquito net over him seconds later he was asleep

The next day he woke up to a bang and looked up to see someone walking into his room with a tray ahead of them "Can I help you?" he asked wiping his face and rubbing his eyes to get some focus

"Your breakfast you ordered it for 7.15am in your room" the voice came back at him, it sounded familiar as he focused on where the sound came from and allowed his eyes to clear vision

"Miss Douglas" he said, a smile on his face as he sat up in his bed "Was there really a need to wake me up like that?"

"What you want cold breakfast?" she asked aware she was being well out of order in not approaching him properly but right now she didn't care

"You maybe could have just called my name" he flattened his hair telling her "Or come close and whispered in my ear" he smiled

"Or if I was younger I could have come lay at your feet so you could keep warm, rub your crusty feet on my soft black skin or maybe serviced you in your damn bed" she spat back at him

"Really?" he asked shocked at her response "I could definitely report you for all that"

"That wouldn't be the first time one of your family had punished one of mine"

"You're not the only one hurting about that stuff you know, I'm having a hard time too" he shouted back at her as she stood looking at him

"So now you've raised your voice I'm supposed to be scared of the consequences of speaking my mind?"

"The intention wasn't to scare you, I'm angry about history too, and I just wish you'd take a second to understand how I feel coming from a legacy of such barbarians"

"Barbarians" she smiled "I like your description"

"Yes barbarians, so could you stop shouting at me like we're back in the 1400s and I can actually do something about this situation we find ourselves in today"

"I'm not actually shouting I'm stating facts, I mean there's a revolt going on yet you see fit to fly across the waters for a damn holiday, talk about privileged"

"I'm not privileged I'm run... never mind" he waved his hand for her to leave

"What was that, did you just dismiss me?" she looked at his hand asking

"I'm saying thanks for bringing my breakfast" he laughed nervously "So can I get to eat in peace?"

"You can" she flipped her tail and left his room huffing "God he gets me so damn mad, so fast" she huffed as she went

"God she's hard work" he jumped out his bed telling himself "But I'm not afraid of work" he washed his face in the hot water before grabbing his breakfast and falling back into bed, he needed to forget home, the day went lazily

 **Sam & Cedes **

He wasn't sure what time it was, when he woke up to rattling in his ear looking around he smiled as he saw Cedes back in his room dragging the trolley and walking backwards looking at him almost naked on top of his sheets "Sorry" she told him as she carried on walking, unable to take her eyes off his soft skin ruffled between sheets, his muscles flexing as he moved and the cute smile that came to his face the instant he knew it was her in the room

"Sorry" he jumped up, grabbing the sheet over him saying "I fell asleep" he sat up watching her pull the trolley "I have something to say to you actually" he told her watching as she slowly stopped walking

"You have something to say to me?" she chuckled sarcastically "Please don't say sorry, I have a gag reflex"

"No I'm being serious, I have something to say" he told her as she left the trolley and walked back towards him

"I'm listening" she stood at the chair telling him, looking through the balcony door "I'll scream if you touch me"

"Nothing like that, we've been at each other since we met, I think we started off wrong and maybe we're fighting the same war"

"You are not in my war, believe" she waved her hand telling him

"I guess that's you dismissing me" he told her as he watched her hands move

"No that means like, whatever" she smiled

"But when I did it, it had to mean I was dismissing you?"

"I guess it could have meant whatever" she looked at him saying refusing to smile, she hadn't noticed his eyes how deep they were, actually she'd never looked at him long enough to see his eyes, she only ever went as deep as his skin "So what do you want?" she sat in the chair without permission asking

"I need you to know who I am" he pulled his trouser on dropping the sheet to do up his zip and grab his shirt as she sat watching him, smiling at his still noticeable morning bulge as he moved "We've both read the books, we've heard the stories, and yeah my family flowered it up more than they should have, I suspect that was to get me on board. I can't lie, before I went off to college I was on board, as in, I thought that life they've created for me was my lot and I was all for finishing college and getting into it" he sat on the end of the bed telling her "And as my eyes were opened I could see that I was undeserving of my life, the way my forefathers went about getting that for me was wrong and I really don't want anything to do with that" he smiled

"Then don't" she told him, her eyes focused on his lips as they moved, him telling his story but his lips begging her for something, her eyes jumped as his tongue came out and wet his lips before he started talking again

"I tell myself that every day, but then I'm sitting around wondering what not having anything to do with that would look like, and I'm talking about leaving everything and everyone I know" he raked his hand through his hair frustrated "And although I hate the way of life and the ground in culture my family has, they're still my family, so who would I have"

"I don't know"

"Neither do I" he smiled at her genuine answer as he watched her chest rise and fall with the despair of it all "Ask me how I feel about all this on any day and I'll tell you straight ashamed, embarrassed, a disgrace all the bad words you can think of, but what can I do about it? nothing, it happened and all I can do is live with this shame and try and do better"

"Do better?"

"Yeah treat everyone with respect, equal, look at our similarities and not our differences, live and let live"

"But that's so hard to do, especially when you're the person that's been wronged" Cedes told him

"I'm not even pretending to understand how you feel, I know it's merited, all I'm asking is that you acknowledge that how I'm feeling is merited too"

"Cedes" they heard looking out the window to see the head chambermaid looking back at them

"She's coming I asked her to wait on something" Sam told her as Cedes jumped up and they both walked to the door like they were gathering things in the room before she left "Bye" he smiled his face close enough to touch hers, but he resisted

"Bye" she smiled back, he'd given her something to think about, and everything to feel "My name's Cedes Jones by the way not Douglas"

"Bye Miss Cedes Jones" he smiled

"Bye" she said before closing the door

Sam stood wondering what made him do that, why did he feel the need to tell her anything about his feelings _'did it actually matter what she thought about him'_ _actually yeah it mattered what everyone thought about him and she just happened to be most in his face about it, plus she was beautiful about it_ he smiled

Mercy walked down the corridor wondering why she'd actually given that man the time of day _'because he had something to say'_ she smiled telling herself, and hell I wanted to hear it, I think I needed to hear it, and now I have, I know it meant something him telling me that, plus he's not at all hurtful to the eye

Sam spent the day on the beach, eating and listening to music, he glimpsed Cedes a few times as she went about her days work and they smiled but it wasn't appropriate for them to sit and have conversation while she was supposedly working. Just after dinner he got up and joined the band to sing his upbeat version of _**'Sway' by Michael Buble**_ noticing Cedes standing listening as he messed about on stage and got claps for his efforts, smiling when he saw her clapping too. He ordered breakfast for the morning and returned to his balcony to watch the activities for the rest of the evening before falling into bed again

The next morning when she bought his breakfast to his room he was already awake, sitting in the chair and looking out past the pool to the sea ahead, the red sky mixing with the sea sending a tranquillity across the land "Morning" he smiled as she walked into the room

"Morning" she smiled, a bit sad she hadn't found him naked on the bed again, she prepared his breakfast before pushing the trolley forward for him to take "Anything else?"

"No that's fine, thank you" he smiled, watching her walk towards the door

"Actually" she turned before she touched the handle "About your comments yesterday" she walked back towards him saying

"Please don't tell me your going to say sorry" he laughed

"No" she smiled, his heart literally skipped a beat as he sat watching her face break into a million pieces and form an even more beautiful version of her, it was a genuine smile "I was going to say I understand your dilemma and I can see the similarities between us so maybe we are in the same war" she told him before turning to leave the room again.

Sam sat smiling at her revelation, did that mean she wasn't going to be ranting at him every time she saw him, could they be like friends, allies or lovers even, he turned to look back at the view across the sky. He'd had nearly a week and he hadn't come up with a plan just yet, he was still destined to return home and marry this Emma girl melt into her bigoted family and then he'd be tied in for life. He could go back to America and head North find himself a wife up there and return home with her so they couldn't marry him off to that witch and her family, that was a plan, he smiled happy with his conclusion

Two days on and he'd been back to Kingston to see about some sugar orders his Dad had called about and to grab himself some trinkets from the local shops, he hadn't got an agenda just some him time, Cedes hadn't been at work for him to have more conversations with, suddenly that was something he was missing her voice, smile, laugh. He'd sat talking with a group of young people that second night, he'd seen them arrive that Saturday four boys and a girl, the three boys and the girl were siblings, the other guy was their sisters husband

"We're here to sow some oats" David had told him immediately sending alerts to his brain

"Oats?" he'd asked, so shocked he needed clarification

"Yeah, relive some old times, these Jamaican girls are... you know" David confirmed

"Are they?" he asked

"Well that's what Grandpa tells us" he knocked his brother laughing

"I'd be careful if I were you, they're not slaves any more they'll kick back" Sam laughed, making some excuse about having to go before he jumped up and left their company, there were too many to fight alone, there was no battle to be won there today, he left hoping that whoever their target was would actually give then something to remember in the worst way.

He didn't much mix with the other guests at the hotel, they were all very full of themselves, their talk indicated they were forging a verbal battle against the north as their conversations were dominated by the events of the current uprising. He went back to his room, and looked at the crowds gathered around the pool and at the bar wondering why they would find a place like Jamaica to holiday if they were so against the people that were now native to it, he lay on his bed listening to the noises of the night as he fell asleep

He woke up the following morning to see Cedes sitting in the chair across from his bed watching him sleep "What's the matter?" he asked shooting up to sit up in his bed before he remembered he'd got no trousers on and pulling the sheet higher up his chest

"Nothing I've had time to think and I just needed to talk I suppose" she smiled "But I was enjoying the view" she stared for a while before looking out the window

"I can identify with that" he smiled back "Can I get some pants on?" he asked, as he watched her look around the room and grab his trouser, throwing them on the bed for him to reach "Thanks" he grabbed them telling her as he slipped into them while still in bed before throwing the sheets back to visit the bathroom "A minute" he told her as he rushed past her, she dare not look down to see what was going on for him just then, his eyes were looking deep into hers

"I enjoyed your version of that song the other night, what genre is that?" she shouted through to him, once she'd finished her smile for where his eyes had taken her

"Mixed Jazz maybe slowed down just something I was messing about with, I heard the record in Kingston yesterday, it was a lot slower than that though, and it gave me an idea"

"So it's your imitation of ska maybe?" she laughed "It sounded nice anyway"

"What was that?" he came out the bathroom asking a towel patting his wet face

"I said it was alright" she looked up telling him, she couldn't help notice his muscles as she sat wondering if he'd meant her to see him like that, checking if he was actually teasing her with his damn body

"So you needed to talk?" he sat on his bed asking her, she watched him pull a vest over his head before she started talking, her mind telling her that wasn't enough he needed a coat or something to distract her

"Yeah I guess as I said I understand where you're coming from and it wouldn't hurt for you to know where I am right now" she told him, shaking her head to get the vision of him naked in the bed out of her head

"Okay, hit me I can take it"

"I don't want to hit you" she pulled her head back telling him

"No, I mean start your story"

"Gosh we just live in two different worlds" she rolled her eyes telling herself and him, pulling her left leg underneath her she sat comfortably in the chair "So I guess the word that jumped out at me when I looked into my feelings about my whole history was raped" she looked at him to say the word "In the worst way, of my womanhood, birth right, home, body, choice, family, the feeling of belonging, I could go on forever. I don't belong, we try to make this place a home, but it's still the home our slave masters made for us and then left to us, now there's only land to work, we still do that but now for nothing, the rest of the world has moved on and we're lost stuck trying to make the best of the worst ever situation" she told him a tear falling from her face at the reality, which she quickly wiped off her hand

"I don't know what to say" he sat in front of her saying

"My women run around having children with whoever will lay with them because they fear they may never see their children again so if they send enough out there one of them will turn back up, or be the one to conquer the enemy, that's been instilled in us, it's not who we are it's who we've become"

"I'm ..."

"Don't tell me that your sorry, that's not what I want to hear" she held her hand up telling him "Our men are like dogs on heat, they've been used like us as breeding machines, is it any wonder they lack when it comes to responsibility, they work no doubt, but that too is instilled"

"So how do we make change?"

"This is something that has been passed on for many generations, it might be easier for you than me because you still have a place you're familiar with to call home, I'm lost between my blackness and my slavery, living in search, and until we find that place again I seriously wonder if there's any hope for us as a people"

"This whole slavery thing is fresh to us, it's not been 100 years since it was totally abolished, I believe in years to come people like us will be fighting side by side for free speech, equality, against exploitation and these things won't be about colour they'll be about basic human rights"

"I hope your right Sam, but right now that doesn't stop me from feeling dirty, raped and undervalued"

"I think that might just be the first time you've called me by my name" he smiled, she couldn't help notice his face break into the widest smile, he looked vulnerable, open, honest and cute

"I best get to work, I'll bring your breakfast in a sort while" she smiled before getting up to leave his room

Sam couldn't stop smiling, she'd actually opened up to him and he felt it was honest and genuine, they could finally be civil to each other, sit in the same room surely that in itself was progress "Have we just connected?" he asked himself as he watched the door close

"We just connected" Cedes smiled to herself as she walked down the corridor

She came back a while later with his breakfast as she'd promised "We need to celebrate, we actually had a conversation earlier" he laughed as she swung the trolley round

"I guess we did" she giggled, noticing Sam standing taking great enjoyment from her chuckle, they spoke for a short while before her work took precedence and the pool became Sam's priority for the day

The next day the head chambermaid brought his breakfast, he sat thinking he was sure Cedes had said she was working, assumed she'd got it wrong and carried on as normal, he'd got 3 days left of his holiday and he was nowhere near a resolve for his situation. The sun started it's usual midday burn and he immersed himself in the pool, staying until his skin was wrinkling before he decided it was time to retire to his room, he was laying on his bed his eyes about to close when he heard a knock at the door "Come in" he sat up saying as the door swung open "Cedes" he said surprised to see her this time in the evening "I didn't expect you" he smiled

"I've been busy on the other side of the complex all day, I think Head knows we talk" she smiled "Close those curtains" she ordered as she stood at the door obviously hiding, Sam got up and drew the curtains "You only have two days left and I'm guessing you haven't got a plan yet"

"Not a one" he smiled

"So let's get planning" she jumped in the chair telling him

"I don't even know where to start" he threw himself on the bed and lay back looking at the ceiling, conscious Cedes was in the room

"Let's start with what your options aren't" she giggled, jumping on the bed her feet against the wall while his dangled off the bed their faces opposite each other upside down as they both got to thinking.

"I can't marry someone I don't know" he told her

"I don't know whether I can have a conversation without my mind running back to the past" she smiled

"I definitely need love" he looked at her saying

"I guess love would be at the top of my list too" she looked into his eyes telling him

"I mean you can't just make love with anyone right?"

"I guess not" she looked at him saying "I mean I couldn't, there'd have to be love"

"Definitely love" his look lingered on her telling her

The conversation went on for a while before Sam finally opened the drinks cabinet and they took a drink, as the conversation got free and happy deviating from the subject matter "I'd marry you, if that were ever the done thing" she giggled falling back onto the bed

"I'd marry you" he told her touching her forehead and running his finger between her eyes, down the line of her nose and stopping just before he hit the clef of her lips "I could make love to you forever"

Cedes stopped laughing as she looked at him trying to establish whether he was being kind or real, she'd never imagined a white man ever looking at her and saying those words, she lay on her side looking back into his deep eyes looking for his truth "Sam" she finally said deciding to take it as a joke, cutting her eye playfully at him "Flattery will get you everywhere" she sat up telling him

"I mean it" he held her eyes telling her, as he sat up to match her, his hand went up to grab her head and pull it to his

"Sam, don't" she pulled away telling him, springing up on the bed at the same time "We shouldn't be doing that stuff" she flattened her dress and brushed her hair back with her hands as she spoke

"I said I mean..."

"Sam stop it" she shouted at him "This isn't funny" she stood up telling him

"It's not funny, we agreed we wanted to be a part of the change that needs to happen, maybe this is it, our part in this change" he stood in front of her telling her

"I'm not sure" she looked at him almost frightened at the prospect of things getting out of hand right now

"That's fine" he moved away from her making sure she understood she had a choice here "I don't want us doing anything we're not both comfortable with"

"You'll stop if I ask?"

"Of course"

"Alright" she smiled as he leaned forward, she stood still and let him move towards her, her heart beating so fast she couldn't catch a decent breath. She saw his face getting bigger as he moved closer, suddenly she felt his breath on her face, she knew it was his breath but she couldn't actually say where it was hitting her whole face was tingling in anticipation.

There was so much stuff to get through, so much to think about before they should take this next step but all Sam could think right now was kissing this woman was the single most important thing in his life right now, his brain was buzzing, he was sweating as he watched her eyes close before closing his and their lips met.

It took a while before she started to kiss him back, this was a new feeling for her, she'd kissed but not like this and not with the expectation that things could go further, her mind was way past a kiss right now, and with that she didn't know if she was excited, scared or anxious

Suddenly she was being pulled towards the bed, she panicked for a second unsure of the events to come "What.." she asked before Sam took control

"Don't worry I'll keep my word, I'll stop when you want to" he whispered in her ear as he raised her hands, she held them up and let him remove her dress, she kissed him urgently feeling his hands making light work of her underwear and she soon became aware that she was standing naked in front of him her body pressed against his as her hands raked through his hair, the smell of Tars aftershave awakening her body, he pushed her away from him and stood looking at her his face red with want, lips swollen from the kisses, his eyes the deepest green "You're beautiful" he told her before he pulled her to him with some urgency, she gabbed his head as his mouth fell to her nipple, noises passing from them as they explored each others bodies

"No babies Sam" she stopped to tell him

"Okay, no babies" he smiled as they sat then lay together on the bed, Cedes looking up into his face as they gave and received pleasure. They couldn't get enough of each other it was new, real, raw, Sam laughed when Cedes roughly flung him off her and climbed on top of him, this was a new thing for him, he wasn't used to women full stop let alone one who knew what they actually wanted in bed, but hell it blew his mind.

Cedes couldn't recognise herself in this man's bed, her first time had been more of a wham bam from some local country boy that had lured her into the bushes and talked her through his disrespect of her body, he was already inside her before she knew she was actually having sex. This time her body knew, even expected, yearned for sex to happen, his hands were touching her body with care, his eyes asking for permission with every move as she offered herself up to him, she felt special

Their bodies lay sweaty, and lifeless a few hours later, Cedes didn't have the energy to look to the side let alone move and if she was tired she knew Sam would be asleep already. She finally looked to the side to see his eyes closed and smile at her job well done, try as she might she couldn't get up, and a warm feeling came over her when Sam pulled her to him and hugged her into him, she finally joined him in sleep

"It's late" she finally stirred telling him "Sam" she shook him saying, needing to be loosed from his grip "I need to go"

"No, go tomorrow" he pulled her closer telling her

"I have work tomorrow, I can't turn up in the same clothes" she giggled

"You wear a uniform" he giggled opening his eyes "Okay, I'll get you a cab" he finally lifted his head off the pillow telling her

"I'll meet it down the road" she ran off to the bathroom telling him, when she came out he was sitting dressed, waiting "Don't be nasty" she told him laughing

"I'll wash when I get back" he laughed "Come on let's get you home" they made their way out of the hotel lobby, Cedes sneaked out and was shocked when she opened the cab door to see Sam sitting there "I needed to make sure you got home safe" he told her, on the way home Sam was all for letting everyone know what they'd just done but Cedes was a bit more cautious, she lived in the area

"Shoot" she said as they pulled up "I left my cardigan in your room"

"You can get it tomorrow, it's the only evidence I have that you were ever there, and the sheets" he kissed her neck saying, Cedes looked at the cab driver she knew he was taking all of this in

"Tomorrow" she told him jumping out the cab and poking her head through the window, seconds later as she stood thinking about it she opened the cab door and lounged at him, kissing him full on the lips "Thank you"

"What for?" he asked shocked

"For making me feel I guess"

"Why, how do you feel?"

"Loved, totally loved" she smiled kissing him again before walking off, he sat watching her until she was safely inside the house before he asked the driver to carry on

That hadn't been the plan for tonight, Sam thought as he drove back to the hotel, but he liked the outcome, actually he could love the outcome, he didn't think her offer was anything when she'd first said it but after the night they'd shared, anything was possible. He got back to the hotel grabbed his guitar out his room and sat in the lobby strumming, there had to be a song for this night, he couldn't pencil it in as a random, this wasn't a random, he had some serious thinking to do, by the morning he'd got his plan

"Morning" he smiled as he looked up to see Cedes coming towards him, like a ray of a very bright sun

"Have you been to bed?" she asked smiling back

"I didn't realise the time, I've been putting my version of a song together, I'll sing it to you later"

She looked around to see who was around before she smiled and rubbed her hands together excitedly "I'd love that, a whole song for me"

"A version of a song, just for you" he smiled "And I stayed up all night to get it right" he flashed his shy look at her saying "Actually I didn't book breakfast" he widened his eyes telling her

"No problem, I'll get it to you" she smiled running off to get changed "Get that bath" she called back to him as she went, he laughed and left the lobby for his room _**'It's just the thought of you, the very thought of you, my love'**_ _he hummed as he walked "I have a plan" he smiled more sure now than he was last night of what he wanted. Cedes brought his breakfast to him and they sat holding each other attached at the lips for a short while before she had to get to work, Head was onto her_

Later that evening she sat on his bed as he sung his revised version of **'Just The Thought Of You' by Michael Buble** to her "Cedes" he smiled when he finished putting his guitar down as he spoke "I wanted to ask you a question, a serious question, and take all the time you need to answer it, but I need an answer by the end of the day"

"What?" she smiled still reeling off the song "How's that all the time I need?" making him laugh before his face became serious

"I want to know if you'd do me the honour of becoming my wife?"

"What?" she jumped up off the bed asking

"Will you be my wife?" he asked again

"No" she snapped "We've known each other for less than two weeks, we've argued more than anything, you're white, I'm black and in case you forgot our worlds don't meet"

"Except in this room, in this bed and in out hearts, Cedes you can't tell me you're not feeling what I'm feeling?"

"Whatever we're feeling Sam, this is wrong" she rolled her eyes telling him

"Is it" he grabbed her arms asking "Look me in the eye and tell me what we feel for each other, what we shared last night, is wrong"

"Sam" she rolled her eyes and flopped on his bed saying looking at him for a while before she gave in and started humming the song he'd just sung to her **'I'm living in a kind of daydream, I'm happy as a queen, and foolish though it may seem to me that's everything'** was she ever going to feel again how she felt last night, how she felt when he just sung that song to her, could she really look in his eyes and say no to all this emotion, feeling and need inside her "I can't look you in the eye and say that" she finally looked back at him saying

"I can look you in the eye and ask you again" he grabbed her hand saying "Will you marry me?"

"You're telling my grandparents" she laughed "Who are going to kill me just before they throw me out" he laughed at her prediction "I'm serious" she looked at him seriously telling him "Remember that first conversation we had, this is it, we're actually talking about leaving everything and everyone we know and love"

"For each other, that's different"

"You call it different I call it scary crazy, we'll have to face what the world throws at us together but alone are you ready for that?"

"I think the worlds going to have to face what we throw at them" he smiled "I'm willing to give everything up for you" he grabbed her hand telling her "Edward just did it for Miss Simpson"

"I'm no Miss Simpson" she laughed "But I am attracted to you, I guess I have feelings, strong feelings" she smiled

"Enough to say yes?"

"Enough" she smiled after looking at him for a long while "Yes, I'll marry you" she giggled shyly just before they shared a kiss "I have to go" she pulled away telling him "I'm working remember?"

"I can't wait, I've got a day left, I need to speak to your Grandparents and get this thing moving"

"Get what moving?"

"Getting married" he pulled her up off the bed telling her "We need to go tell them, and make plans"

Cedes made her excuses and left work in a cab with Sam frightened but excited about her new life choice, she didn't want to think about it anyway, she knew her history, he knew his, but the heart wants what the heart wants and that doesn't see, colour, class or even history, just that person standing in front of you "Hey" Sam pulled her out of her thoughts "I love you, we can do this" he told her as the cab pulled up at her house, she smiled and stepped out the cab waiting for him to pay before they stepped off to go tell her Grandparents

"I do too, I'm just having a hard time getting it out right now" she told him as they neared the house

They walked into the house, happy but reluctant humming _**'It's just the thought of you, the very thought of you, my love'**_ looking at each other as her Grandmother stopped what she was doing to look at them "Master Sam" she smiled walking towards him "What can we do for you?" she asked as her other daughters and their babies came in to see the unexpected visitor

"He's with me Grandma" Cedes told her smiling

"What you stepping out with white folk now?" she laughed

"He..."

"Mrs Douglas, I know you don't know me too well just now but I came to ask for Cedes..." he got out as he stood watching her Grandma's face change into rage

"Mercedes Jones, how dare you" she hissed, Cedes knew she was in trouble it was very rare her Grandma used her full name, never actually, she wanted to cry but she stood firm "Go fetch your Grandfather and Lettie go contact your sister tell her to get here now, tell her, her child's gone mad" Mercy rolled her eyes before looking at Sam, he gave her an uneasy smile before turning to talk to her Grandma again

"Mrs Douglas, Cedes and I have already had the conversation and well, she's said yes but we thought we'd ask for the blessing of the family" he stood with a flannel in his hand wiping sweat from his brow

"I couldn't possibly say anything, she's not my child, I bless nothing" she told him before she carried on doing what she'd been doing before they got there it was obvious she no longer wanted to carry on the conversation

"What do we do now?" Sam asked Cedes

"Wait for my parents to get here I suppose" she told him showing him a seat before going to the kitchen for cool drinks

"Just keep calm about it, they'll see we're serious if we don't get angry" he suggested as she came back to him with the drinks

"Okay" she smiled kissing his cheek, pulling away when she saw her Aunt's looking at them from the veranda


	2. Chapter 2

**So if your following the story you know they're about to meet Cedes parents and tell them the good news, hang on to your hats, it's going to get maybe a bit offensive for some readers,**

Four hours later both her parents walked into the room, her father raging but trying to control himself as her mother took the lead, they thought they were on trial with parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and even cousins standing around putting in what they felt they needed to add. The conversation went around the houses for a long while before Cedes' Dad seemed to burst as he jumped up out of his chair looking like he wanted to flatten Sam as he walked towards him, he was almost in his face before he turned to address Cedes. Sam stayed seated he had no intentions of letting himself down right now by going against her family, he actually understood where they were coming from, but seriously they needed to understand that hurting anyone wasn't neither of their intention, they'd much prefer they just bless them and let them be

"Mercedes" he Father hissed at her, she trembled at the realisation that this wasn't a joke, her father never called her by her full name, he was angry "I know you've always had a strong head, but I also know you have some sense in there somewhere, so I guess I'm pleading to your soul, which will be sent to hell I might add, if you do this thing

She couldn't back down now, she'd come this far and hell she really wanted to be with thing man, she looked at Sam sweating as he watched her father talking, because now he'd started talking about that false God of his she was ready to blow "My soul?" she asked surprised, wondering what he actually thought he knew about any part of her body

"This situation may not be blasphemed in the bible, but, I assure you it's wrong in the eyes of God"

"Of God?" she asked, rolling her eyes at the mention again, still waiting for a plausible reason as to why they would actually object to her being happy

"Stop it" her Mother shouted as her flip answers to her Father "You will respect us, you'll do as you're being told to do, leave this boy alone and get on with your life"

"Why?" Cedes rolled her eyes asking just before her Mother delivered a slap across her face, Sam moved, not to attack her mother but to protect Cedes from any further abuse "Just tell me what the problem is" she asked rubbing her cheek

"Okay, you need me to say it?" her Dad looked between Sam and her asking

"Please" she smirked, Sam looked at her, he felt like telling her she was making a bad situation worse, but his instinct told him to sit back, that he'd be wrong, he quickly made up his mind that she knew how to handle her parents best so he left her to get on with it

"What's wrong with a black man, why don't you want your own kind?"

Cedes rolled her eyes "This isn't about colour, it's about love"

"Don't even come to me with that mess, ten minutes ago he was the scum of the earth, you were disgusted at the thought of his fore parents using ours as foot warmers, what's changed?" her father asked

"To tell the truth I can't see that anything has changed" her Grandma piped in turning to interrupt her fire wood throwing

"I've changed" Cedes told them rolling her eyes again "I've..."

"... And if you roll those damn eyes at us one more time you'll get another box across your face" her Mom butted in

It was in her nature she couldn't help it, she did it again, this time the slap came from her Dad, and she felt it, she held her face as tears burst out her eyes "Sorry" she sobbed "But you can't help who you love and I love him"

"That's where you're wrong girl" her Grandfather butted in "Life's not all about love, is that going to feed you, clothe you, find you somewhere to live?"

"We'll work all that out" Sam butted in feeling the daggers coming at him before he even finished talking

"With all respect Mr Evans stay out of this, I'm talking to my daughter" her Dad told him, his voice soft, polite even as he addressed him

"We just want to get married" Cedes shouted frustrated for all the fuss "We're not asking permission, we're telling you"

"You know I will never accept this, and if you do this I'll never forgive you, you'll be dead to me" he pulled her Mother to his side "To us, you'll be dead to us" he frowned "Nothing good can come of this mixed blood, why would you want to go back to being his slave after everything you've read, what history tells us, do you think all that is someone's fantasy, acceptable even?"

"Is this your way of fighting the injustice about what our people went through?" her Mother asked "If it is you need to think again, you don't get into bed with the enemy" Cedes face just stared blankly at these people talking at her "I'm devastated that my only daughter feels the need to enter into such a disgusting relationship, it's vulgar" she spat at her

"Considering you're big on fighting against slavery I think it's ironic that you've put yourself back into that situation" her Grandpa shook his head telling her "Your Great Great Grandfather would turn in his grave"

Cedes was hurt by that comment but she refused to let them see that "So the choice is I finish the relationship and stay here single, marrying one of the local boys and producing babies to work the field with a family that thinks I'm better off dead than happy or leave with Sam for a life I want?" she looked at her Father asking when their ranting finished

"You leave with him or he leaves alone now" he shouted back at her

"Okay" she got up telling them she looked back at Sam "I'll be a minute" she told him as everyone stood or sat in silence until she returned to the room with her case

"Cedes" her Mother jumped up as she saw the case scared that she was actually losing her daughter "Don't do this" she begged as tears sprung to her eyes

"I have to go Mom I'm not willing to give Sam up and Pop's has set the rules I have to leave" she hugged her saying, hugging her family as she went, her Father taking the kiss she places in his cheek before she turned and grabbed Sam's hand pulling him up off the chair, while turning to look at her family one more time before she kissed her Grandma again and they walked out

She sat in the cab in Sam's arms and cried so hard he sat wondering if all this was worth this pain "Are you sure this is what you want?" he asked when she finally looked up at him

"Positive" she smiled "They'll come round, they have to come round" she told him before hugging back under his armpit and staying that way for the remainder of the journey back to the hotel. The air was thick in the hotel room for the rest of that day as they sat about imagining life now they'd actually made their decision, moving from the bed to the bathroom and round to the chair, eventually Cedes left the chair, stopped staring out the window and climbed onto the bed "I've never been this alone before" her head fell on his chest telling him, they lay and fell asleep and woke up to the sun shining in at them "Make love to me" she asked as they stirred, Sam smiled and did as asked, before they fell asleep again waking to darkness

"What time is it?" he jumped up asking

"Maybe 6.30pm" she looked outside telling him "Why?"

"We need to go to America the day after tomorrow" he told her, she jumped up on the bed

"I didn't expect to leave here, you never said anything..."

"...I'm never going to find work here Cedes, I need to make money, we need to live, I mean for you to have a house and everything a wife needs in it"

"God we didn't even think about all that I just thought... I don't know, whatever you think is best" she flopped back on the bed telling him, she'd realised she was only fussing because she'd be leaving her family, _what family_ she thought as the events of earlier on came back to mind

"They'll come round, and we'll come back as often as we can to try and get them to come round, I promise" he kissed her forehead telling her, he eventually ordered their evening meals, eating in the room so they could stay in their bubble for the rest of the evening

"This morning seems like so long ago" she hugged him saying

He lay there thinking he couldn't answer her, it had seemed like so long ago, he didn't think she'd be losing her family over a choice he'd made, he felt rotten. The only thing he could offer right now was his arms, he wrapped them tighter around her as he started humming what was fast becoming their song _**"The very thought of you, and I forget to do the little ordinary things that everyone ought to do, I'm living in a kind of daydream, I'm happy as a king and foolish though it may seem, to me it's everything"**_ he hummed as he rocked them until they fell asleep again

He'd had a vivid dream that night and woke up sweating, he jumped feeling something heavy weighing him down, smiling when he realised it was Cedes resting on his arm, but his dream was so real he was excited "Cedes" he whispered in her ear watching her sleep so soundly, it was almost a sin to wake her up to bring all the memories of yesterday back for her. "Cedes" he whispered again shaking her a bit this time "We need to get up"

"What?" she looked up still half asleep, smiling at the reality of waking up in his arms "Morning" she stretched

"Morning" he smiled feeling all warm inside for seeing her face light up for him "We need to wake up, it's our wedding day" he smiled down at her

"Our Wedding day?" she rubbed her eyes asking

"Yeah I think we need to get married before we go back, I had a dream"

"A dream?" she smiled "You mean nightmare, your parents are going to hate me aren't they?"

"I think they're going to hate me first but yeah, I guess we need to mark that as known" he stroked her hair telling her, his face sad for that reality "My dream" he smiled a short while later "I can't remember all of it but the one thing that stayed with me was that we need to get married, and I mean today"

"I don't have anything to get married in" she sat up telling him "And a dress will take all my savings"

"Do we really care about all that?"

"I thought I did" she looked at him questioning herself as she spoke "I have something, my Sunday dress" she smiled jumping off the bed to grab it out of her case, holding it against her body as he sat watching "What do you think?"

"I love my bride"

"You're bride?" she laughed "It sounds... romantic" she jumped back on the bed telling him, he pulled her to him and kissed her

"No more till I'm your wife" she pulled away from him saying before he could get carried away

"I'll sort everything you just do what you need to do" he jumped up telling her as he headed to the bathroom, breakfast arrive while Cedes was in the bathroom and they ate before it was finally time for him to leave to make arrangements "Okay the room's all yours till 1pm and I'll get someone to come tell you when things are ready" he pulled her flush against him kissing her as he spoke before he left donning his navy blue three piece double breasted suit, to go sort some things out, stopping at the reception to instruct a car be made ready for a trip at 1pm, telling the reception staff it was to pick up a lady from room 26

Cedes sat on the chair in his room looking at her spread of clothes she'd scattered across the bed, she was trying to make something special out of nothing. She decided on her original choice the knee length, square collar sleeveless yellow dress with a big white bow on the right side and a triple lace underbody, she always felt like a queen in it, and today she was going to be exactly that.

She had a bath, creamed her skin, messed about with Sam's razors and some other unfamiliar things, laying on the bed to relax for an hour before getting dressed. She woke up to the sun beating strong in the room as she looked up and saw the curtains open and assumed Sam must have been back and opened them, there were some yellow flowers in a vase smiling at her. She got out of bed and her legs froze, she grabbed hold of the bedpost to steady herself as panic set in "Okay Cedes you need to breathe" she told herself hearing her Mother's voice in her head from when she was a 10 year old child, she tried to take a breath but something was stopping her "Breathe" she shouted at herself inside her head "Breathe" she demanded of herself before she forced a deep breath reminding herself after very gasp "Breathe" she grabbed the post her chest rising and falling as she tried to get control of her body again

"Grandma" she gasped when control came, looking around the room for something familiar, she needed to calm down, her eyes fell on her pearl necklace, she grabbed them and held them close to her chest, that was the only thing she'd taken to remind her of her family, her grandma's necklace. She finally sat and cried at the day she'd always dreamed of having with her family, the supposed happiest day of her life suddenly turning into one of the loneliest, wondering if happiness could really feel the way she was feeling right now

Something made her look up at the clock on the wall at the time, she had less than 40 minutes to get ready and she'd done nothing to her hair yet, she closed her eyes in thought and came out of it hearing her Grandma's voice making her smile. She sat looking in the dresser mirror listening to the voice in her head, hearing her Grandma telling her youngest Aunt on her wedding day _'Enjoy the day, take everything in, breathe and don't get lost in the madness going on around you, go in with the understanding that this is for life embrace it, it's the happiest day of your life'_ she smiled as she imagined her talking her through all this as she pinned her hair up and got dressed

Eventually she was dressed, she stood in the mirror putting the last minute touches to her hair as she plaited it and curled it in buns with a single yellow flower from the table peeping out of the rolled plait on the left side before flicked the clasp on her pearls open to put it around her neck "Ready" she looked at herself again smiling at the finished look as she slid her feet in her black shiny sandals and spun when she heard the door knock "Just in time" she smiled as she went towards the door and opened it, shocked to see Miss Flo standing there

"Your Grandma told me about you and this man this morning, then I see him running around planning stuff and I'm praying to god that it's not what I think, then I come here and my god it's exactly what I think, child what are you doing?"

"I'm getting married Miss Flo" she smiled back at her "And I really don't care what anyone says, they're all jealous because I'm getting the hell out of here" she walked past her towards the door telling her, surprised at herself for her new found confidence "Did Sam send a message with you?" she turned to ask

"Actually, yes he did" she tutted "And if I'd have known it was you hiding in here, I'd have told your parents from morning"

"They gave me a choice, I made it" she walked away saying, as Miss Flo followed her mumbling "Where am I going?"

"I don't know" she tutted at her, Cedes knew the tut was because of her tone but she really didn't care anymore, she had no one to fear "And good luck to you" she told her sarcasm in her voice "And don't come running back when it all goes wrong, and it will" she warned "He said there's a car out front" she finally told her shooing her out the door

Cedes got to the car and jumped in, she was excited about her life, this journey she had ahead, she travelled for around 40 minutes before the cab came to a halt at a little baptist church in Stewart Town, she walked into the church to see Sam and a few random people, he stood at the foot of the pulpit playing his guitar as a woman and a guy stood in the choir stands singing their rendition of **'Me And Mrs Jones' by Michael Buble** using Miss instead as he watched her walk down the isle towards him, laughing at the song.

"That's so sweet" she giggled as they stood waiting for the guys to finish the song

The wedding was traditional, there was one photograph taken, they went to a restaurant on the way back to the hotel for a meal before the cab brought them back to the hotel with rattling cans attached, Sam taking the time to pay before they hurriedly made their way to their room, as they approached the door they could see a note, Cedes rolled her eyes and pulled her hand away from his, she knew what it was saying "They've taken the room off us" she told him as they walked closer

"They can't have, I've paid up until tomorrow"

"They can and they have, because of me Sam, they've took the room off you because of me"

"I'm going to speak to the Manager" he swung round telling her

"It doesn't matter, they'll tell you it's a single room so you can't have two people in, and it's right that's the policy" she huffed "That's got to be Miss Flo"

"So where are our things?"

"They'd have let us come up here so they could get the Manager ready for the confrontation, we do it all the time with non-payers"

"But I've paid..."

"We better get used to it, this is the life we just chose" she grabbed his hand saying "What was that they sang, we both know it's wrong?"

"You're forgetting that it's much too strong to let it go now" he hugged her saying, he stood thinking for a short while "We'll sleep at the airport" he frowned hugging her more as they made their way back to the lobby to see all eyes on them, they didn't even wait for the Manager to talk they grabbed their bags and left. They spent their wedding night in a crowded airport, getting looks from everyone, watching as folk openly whispered about them, some even in ear shot as they sat reassuring each other, one man walked past and spat, it didn't hit them but it was close enough for them to understand his message, Sam was all for confrontation but Cedes grabbed him back

"Smile" she told him as they sat smiling and growing thick skins while people snarled

"Please let it only ever be acceptable for us to question what we are with each other" Sam asked

"I'll never let anyone define us" she looked up telling him watching his face get closer to grab her lips, giggling when they let each other go at the gasps and tuts that could be heard around the vicinity. Pretty soon they were sitting on the plane taking the five hour flight back to America to get the train to Tennessee, the journey was quiet, they found sleep on the plane and nerves on the train, grabbing a cab to make the journey home.

Sam had left Nashville under a cloud _the Civil Rights Movement was well on the way, he'd played a part in the fight against segregation and discrimination against African American's, staging non-violent protests forcing Governments to look at and acknowledge the inequalities this group of people faced, he'd been in yet another sit in when the police were ordered to water spray the protestors and fights broke out. He was throwing punches like the next man forging forward trying to hurt these people that had come to them with fists and hateful words, when he was dragged from behind, he struggled as these large arms grabbed him round his waist and carried him away from the crowd. When he was finally allowed to stand on his feet he spun round ready to curse the enemy to find his father standing in front of him_

 _"What the hell are you doing?" he asked as Sam stood shaking with anger_

 _"I'm doing the right thing" he shouted back at him "Why do you not know, this is the wrong thing to do"_

 _"What you want these animals to take over what we've built here, to be your neighbours, kissing our women, your sisters or god forbid producing babies?"_

 _"I have no sister, but if I did it would be their choice, these are..." he got out before his Dad punched him so hard he woke up in the couch in his living room a while later_

 _"You're getting married in a few months time, everything's set and Emma's a nice girl from a descent family I want to hear no more about this do you hear me?" his Dad told him, no care for the bruising he's caused with that punch_

 _"Yes" he finally said defeated_ he could hear his fathers last words "W _e both know children don't disobey their parents around here"_ echoing through his ears like waves of thunder, he'd never so much as shouted at him ever

He was more nervous than he'd ever want Cedes to know about taking her to meet his parents, he wanted to tell her not to be offended, that he'd fight for her, that everything was going to be alright, but he knew his family there were no reassurances to be given just now. They sat in the cab, the conversation got less and less the closer they got to their destination Cedes smiled at his familiar agitated quivering lip action as she watched him biting his bottom lip almost to bleeding, she grabbed his hand rested her head on his shoulder and started humming their song _**'I see your face in every flower, your eyes in stars above, it's just the thought of you, the very thought of you, my love'**_ Sam lifted his arm and wrapped it around her "Thank you" he smiled. The car came to a halt a while later "Here we go" he rolled his eyes telling her, opening the door for them to get out "I have a feeling I need you to wait" he told the driver not bothering to pay him to ensure that happened

Grabbing her hand he walked towards the typical master's house, white pillows coming from the ground and holding the overshadowing veranda roof up with window on two floors stretching across the rather wide building with double front glass doors, trees to either side and green for as far as the eye can see "This is beautiful" she smiled as they walked

"It's the people we have to worry about" he gripped her hand telling her

"Daniel" they heard in the distance bringing a smile to Sam's face

"That's my Dad, Daniel" he turned to tell her, as they got closer to the house "And that's my Mom" he looked up at her standing waving at him "Mom" he smiled and walked faster towards her not noticing Cedes had let his hand go and was watching him climb the stairs two at a time to get to her

"Daniel" she shouted again as he saw his Dad come out the house

"Son" he smiled going towards him before he noticed the black girl standing at the bottom of the steps "What's that, who's is that?" he asked taken aback

"Mom, Dad, this is Cedes my wife, we got married yesterday" he smiled as he turned to see she was at the bottom of the steps, he signalled for her to come up to where he was and grab his hand, he'd been so excited to see his parents he stood for a second wondering when Cedes had actually let go of his hand

"But Sam she's ….."

"Yes Mom we both know she's black and I'm white" he laughed as he grabbed her hand

"Life hasn't been easy for us, and god knows since you've finished college you haven't made things easy for us either, what with you equal rights for all thing, sit-ins, protests and arguments, but this is a total turnaround on anything you've ever thrown at us, why the hell have you brought a black girl to our house?" his Mom asked through thin lips her eyes focusing on Cedes as she mentioned her colour

"I think you're wrong, life has been too easy for us" Sam laughed "And she's not a black girl as you call her, her name, as I said, is Cedes, Cedes Evans actually"

"Watch your mouth with your Mother" his Dad stepped to him telling him, Sam stepped back remembering the last time his Dad came up to him like that "You come up here with your black woman telling us what we need to call her, I'm deeply offended, heartbroken and hurt that you think so little of us that you could do this to us, to your family"

"I'm not treating you any way different" he stepped forward telling his Dad "Your nose is just disjointed because I'm not marrying Emma and you'll lose your social standing in this bigoted community"

"You're standing there talking like all this doesn't matter" his Mom told him "Sam" she cried with pain in her voice "You can't do this to us"

"To you?" he asked surprised "It's my wife and as far as I can see you guys are doing this to us"

Cedes stood watching this woman break her heart over what her son had done, half of her wanted to run and never look back but when Sam gripped her hand tighter she knew she wasn't doing that without him following her

"You obviously think you're a man now, so I guess as a man you have choices, get her off my land or take her off my land, that choice is yours make it wisely" Daniel looked at his son telling him "You have no respect for us or your own kind and you're clearly not god fearing" he told him "But know this if you choose her I don't want to be associated with you ever again and by that I mean change your name"

"Change my name?" he asked looking at his Dad shocked

"Yes, it doesn't belong to you, it belongs to a family with a strong history of American values, who don't go around finding blacks for wives, do you even remember what your Great Great Grandparents and beyond fought for?"

"Actually I do, as you very well know and, I don't agree with it, as you also very well know"

"Have you thought about how people will treat you with that black woman at your side?" his Mom asked

"Obviously you don't read about the happenings in the north" he asked her "There's nothing written in stone telling anyone it's wrong to fall in love with who you want to"

"Love?" he Dad asked shocked stepping towards him "Really, you look at this, this... and use the word love?" his Dad couldn't find the word

"I do" he stared at his Dad standing in his face for a second before looking at Cedes for the second time since the conversation started smiling as he squeezed her hand "We just said that three days ago" he smiled

"Get off my land" his Dad shouted sickened as they shared their intimate moment

Sam felt Cedes tremble at the bellow coming from his Dad's mouth and decided she needed to be out of this situation "Fine" he told them as all four stood looking at each other for a few seconds before he turned and walked back down the stairs with Cedes' hand in his "At least they know now" he told her as they hit the road and stood looking, unsure what was going to happen for them next "You alright?"

"Yeah" she smiled before frowning "But you didn't get a slap" she finally laughed as they stood waiting for some kind of revelation

"I don't know how they missed that opportunity" he laughed "How do you fancy Delaware?" he asked

"Does it have a bed?"

"I believe so"

"Then I fancy it like crazy" she laughed as he opened the cab door for her to get in, finding themselves at the coach station waiting for the coach

They got there a few days later, smiling when they saw the busy roads, full of cars, people and open shops, there was still segregation between black and whites, but they were here to make history. They finally found themselves an apartment off the beaten track not too far from a small Lake, it wasn't the best place in the city but it suited them for now and with limited funds until they found jobs it was certainly the best they could afford right now. They stood in their above a disused shop flat, a fitting description, looking at the two seater couch, burnt black cooker and coffee table which made up the entire furniture presented as part of the rental "We need a bed" he turned to look at the empty adjoining room saying

"Pots, pans, cutlery, crockery" Cedes looked at him concerned saying, knowing what she had couldn't afford rent and all that

"I have some money" he smiled "I made sure I took enough from the family account to last us at least 6 months on our wedding day"

"You think of everything" she hugged him saying "Will they come after you for that?"

"No my name's in the family business, or it was until two days ago" he laughed "We can get a bed today and get the rest tomorrow" he grabbed her hand and left the apartment to go do that. They soon found that their relationship was met with distaste from both sides of the coin as White people gave dissatisfied looked and black people said straight out they were wrong. They eventually stopped frolicking in the street and almost pretended to be strangers, when Cedes reminded him they had nowhere else to go so they needed to play ball for a while, they got the bed delivered early evening, just before they went out to get fast food, came back ate and sat watching each other think. They were man and wife that had happened some 6 days ago but they hadn't shared a bed since they'd said their vows and after all the upset, travel, rejection and name calling they sat both smiling for what they'd actually done but scared for what the future held for them

"What are you thinking?" she asked as they fed each other dessert

"I was thinking after today that... well suddenly we're fighting the same war" he laughed

"It's definitely become our war" she laughed

"Us against the world"

"You do know right now, our world consists of you and me in this little old room with our brand new bed with crispy sheets...?" she asked looking around the room

"...Our world" he smiled, his grin telling her his mind had found that world they both needed to get to right now

"Bed?" Cedes finally suggested getting up to visit the bathroom

Sam went to the bedroom to get undressed and slid into bed waiting for his wife to make her entrance, she finally came into the room dressed in a deep blue gown, she stood at the door for a few seconds before she walked quickly to the bed, discarded the gown, lifted the sheets and slid into the bed. Sam smiled for her shyness he had all intentions of getting rid of that feeling for her tonight, as he grinned watching her snuggle her back into his chest "Goodnight" she said

"Good night" his tone telling her it was going to be "Sorry wife but we haven't sealed our marriage yet and I plan on that happening tonight" she felt the sheets lift as his hand came round to hug her and his lips attached themselves to her neck, she was his wife, she had no reason to deny him anything she turned to grab his lips, that night they sealed their marriage and got rid of any insecurities he thought Cedes was feeling

The next day they went out to find the rest of their furniture, they'd made it fun by pretending they weren't together, walking around nodding and smiling when they both liked something then Sam would buy it and agree delivery, move to another shop and the game started all over again. There were times when they did talk or even touched but they'd get some looks and even comments not that they didn't expected them, that didn't really phase them, but Cedes was constantly reminding him they had to live there and he'd calm things down for her sake. They did their shopping and went back to their little bubble, by week three some of the locals were keeping conversations with one or the other of them, some shop keepers knew them by name and their new home was nearly done.

"I've had enough of settling in, I need to work" Cedes announced as they sat on their new four seat couch

"Whatever you want to do, but money isn't tight just yet"

"I don't want money to get tight I need us to always manage, we're alone remember"

"Alone" he gave her that look that told her his mind was on one thing and one thing only "I remember" he finally responded "Come here" he pulled her to him finding her lips, they'd celebrated nearly every piece of furniture, cutlery, drapery and even ornament that had entered the house so far, she wasn't surprised for this coming event "How do you feel?" he asked some time later as they lay there him naked and her half naked in the living room

"Loved I guess" she smiled

"Guess?"

"Loved absolutely loved" she kissed his nose telling him, she looked in his eyes a few seconds longer than she needed before she moved away, he knew there was something else in there she wanted to tell him, but when she turned her attention to the television he knew she wasn't ready so he didn't force the issue, he'd felt her love anyway, so there was no rush for him to hear it

"What are we having for lunch?" he jumped up and went towards the kitchen asking changing the subject

"Get some clothes on" she shouted after him

"You take some off" he shouted back with a laugh in his voice "We'll eat naked"

"I've never heard of such a thing" she giggled as she made her way to the kitchen

"Naked" he laughed as he saw her standing there still half dressed, watching as she took her underclothes off and left them at the door before walking towards him "Let's dance" he surprised her saying reaching for the radio on the shelf above the table and turned it on "I prefer my version of this song" he smiled as they listened to him singing along to _**'You Don't Know Me' by Michael Buble**_ music filling the room while they moved around in each others arms

"I'll never walk away from you, you know that right?" she looked at him hoping he knew exactly that

"How do I know that?" he looked down at her asking, feeling a moment

"Because" she smiled up at him, they stopped dancing the silence deafening as he waited in anticipation, her face melting in a way he'd never seen before making him question and then smile for the feeling it gave him "Because I love you" she said rather shyly, Sam rolled his eyes and gasped for air his face red for her revelation

"Finally" he sucked in air telling her as his lips went down to meet hers before they got lost in each other again. Their relationship got stronger after that, they both got more confident in their love, if people saw anything they didn't like about their togetherness it was their problem, they hadn't asked them to look after all, the only care they had was about each other. Over the months their community became more blended as more Mexicans, lower class white Americans and African Americans mingled into life together the migration was heavy as laws changed and tolerance became more relaxed, the ghetto town soon built into a culturally thriving diverse community.

Sam, although he found it hard, eventually found a job in journalism, and frequently discussed issues in the political arena around civil rights and oppression, reporting injustice all over the country, he was away a lot travelling to places of conflict, sometimes his views caused arguments as he discussed topics that were seen as low on the integration agenda. He finally got his big break when he was given the chance to work alongside Eddie Adams sending back pictures and news which fuelled dissatisfaction from the public about their inclusion in events surrounding the Klu Klux Klan, he was torn between his life with Cedes and his job, which at times saw him collaborating with the enemy to get the full picture

Cedes was at home more often than not, she'd decided she didn't want to just clean any more and went about finding herself a gig not more than 20 minutes away from home singing songs from her homeland to the local Jamaican community. That kept her busy and happy in the evenings while Sam was away, so early morning she cleaned, during the day she worked as an admin worker for the local Jamaican car sales firm about 3 miles away from home, and when she wasn't there she was at the local juice joint where she sang other people's songs trying to get her voice heard.

Sam had initially taken the job to make money obviously, and things were great while they were apart for weekends or odd nights, but as he started to make a name for himself the weekends turned into weeks away and things between them started to change, Cedes seemed to have her own life going on, nothing changed for her when he got back after his long trips, she didn't want him with her at the club, so except for him hearing her sing in the kitchen or bathroom he had no insight into what her life was outside the house. He felt like he almost had to book time for them to be together, he knew some of this was his fault but he really loved his job so he said nothing and complied with her wishes because he knew his challenge would mean she'd get to restrict him and that wasn't something he wanted, he rolled his eyes as he watched her getting dressed yet again to visit the juice joint

"What?" she asked, stopping from putting on her stockings to look at him

"Nothing"

"I know there' something are we going to have this tired conversation again?"

"No" he stared at her saying, moving his eyes when she stared him down "So you say these people know you're married?"

"Yes they do"

"I mean to me?"

"Do your people know you're married to me?"

"They know your name" he looked at her saying

"But do they know I'm black?"

"What's that got to do with anything?" he hissed

"Don't give me that Sam if it didn't matter to you they'd know I was black and you know you'd have no job right now"

"it's just difficult with my job, we need to live"

"And I need to live Sam, we chose this and I love you I know that, but this path is so hard to walk, I need friends I need my own kind sometimes, and they treat me like one of them because they don't know I have a white husband sitting at home waiting for me"

"But this isn't what we said we wanted to be when she started out, we wanted to change the world" he got up telling her

"And I still want to do that but right now..." she looked around the room looking for the words "Right now... the world is such a cruel place Sam.. I don't know if..."

"Don't" he stepped towards her saying "Please don't give up on us, we can work this out" he grabbed her hands begging

"Sam" she moaned a tear coming from her eye "You make this so difficult, I have to go" she pulled away from him and walked out the door

Sam stood watching the door, he needed to do something drastic here, he thought about asking her to give up the job and taking the flack about his job and maybe even giving it up to find something close, but he'd just been offered his dream assignment, how could he give that up, and anyway he knew they'd both be bored with that life. He sat on the couch the whole evening waiting for her to return, he couldn't sleep with her feeling like the end was here for them and he wasn't able to even put up a fight for them, plus he had to share his news

"Cedes" he jumped up saying when she finally came in "I'm sorry for bringing that up, it is difficult, we're being forced into being people we don't want to be and I understand we can't be everything to each other but I don't want to lose you"

"Sam" she raised her hands and rolled her eyes saying "Please can we do this tomorrow, I'm so tired" she walked off leaving him standing in the living room saying

"Cedes I need to say this one thing" he called watching as she stopped to look at him

"What Sam?"

"I've been given my next assignment and it's my dream, really it is" he told her excited "I've been given the opportunity to go to Los Angeles for 12 months, well not just Los Angeles, that will be my ultimate base but I'll be flying into Greece, Africa and even Asia to look at the aftermath for them of this Cold War and maybe Hungary, Cuba or even Berlin to see what's happening, these are exciting times" he looked at her blank face saying "I know it's come at the most inopportune time for us but..."

"Are you joking?" her blank face turning to disbelief

"No, I've been offered the assignment and well.. I ... I took it"

"For a year?"

"Yeah"

"So what the hell happened to doing things together, how did you make a decision like that without us having a conversation?"

"It was on the table for grabbing and there was no time it was grab it or lose it and I grabbed it"

"Well you can un-grab it Mr Evans because that's a marriage breaker"

"What?" he asked looking at her he couldn't believe what he was hearing "It's work, we need to live, I do this and we can maybe take a year off, two years even"

"You do this and you'll be a single man" she told him walking off to the bedroom and slamming the door behind her

Things got a bit sticky between them after that, conversations were one word or descriptive, there were no smiles, kisses or sex as they went about living this new twist to their relationship. He'd already signed the agreement, there was no way he could back out without losing his job and maybe their home, he needed to support them he had to do this, he tried to talk to her for what seemed like forever, trying to get her to understand this impossible situation, but she wouldn't budge.

He wasn't happy they'd left each other with bad feelings that final morning he was leaving, but he smiled when she came to the station to see him off, but that fire she carried in her eyes wasn't there, miserable and winded he asked the question he really didn't want to know the answer to

"Will you still be here when I get back?" he asked

"A years a long time Sam, we never agreed this"

"But will you be here when I get back?" he asked again

"I don't know" she looked him in the eyes and told him

"Cedes I love you, you know I do but this is an opportunity of a lifetime, it will never come around again, I need to do this"

"You do what you need to do" she hugged him and walked away as he watched hoping this wasn't the end of them, they'd both given up so much to be together and in such a short time, they hadn't even had time to really talk about their future together. They'd been married or just over two years already but work had meant they'd probably spent 11 months of that time together, he was scared for the distance this life was putting between them physically and emotionally.

At twenty three they'd had so much to deal with in their young lives together, but apart their lives were different, they were living in their own cultures, Cedes was spending her days at the car lot doing the books and other administrative jobs for James, and putting up with jibes from the local men folk who'd started to challenge the clarity of the non-existent husband she always went on about. At night she'd pretend her husband was on a night shift and she'd sneaked out the house to have a good time with her new found friends, listening to live music from artists such as Little Richard, Chuck Berry and Nat King Cole live on the stage as they struggled to get themselves equal rights in mainstream music, smiling when they broke through and joining in the festivities. Sometimes they'd let her sing back up, and there was always a promise of things to come in their voice when she belted out that note everyone else just couldn't find, she loved her life and they loved her cooking. That was just something she missed from back home, the food wasn't right but what they were able to get they seasoned it well and made the best of it, trying to get that special taste her Grandma always gave the food to make it finger licking good

Sam soon saw the dangers of the task ahead when he got to the naval base and underwent training as if he were a soldier in the actual army, he couldn't lie he cried the first night he landed in Asia and saw the devastating aftermath of the almost global effects on the people and the country of this so called Cold War, cold because that was exactly what it was bone chilling. So they took pictures of horrific scenes by day and by night they half slept in the army barracks protected by soldiers with guns, slept fully dressed in case of attack and once a week they'd go to the mess to listened to the sounds of Jerry Lee Lewis, Elvis Presley and the Everly Brothers while men took it in turned to dance with the eight women, under the instruction of the matron, that were at the camp hospital. Their barracks and activities were kept separate from their minority counterparts and if he were able to officially log the truth he would have written about the inequalities for these men who's aims were identical, they were fighting for the same course but even in death society could not see them as equals to the white man

They wrote to each other regularly, he sent telegrams on special occasions like her birthday and their wedding anniversary, but after six months it was lonely for her not having him home, she could barely speak to other men her body ached for him in ways she didn't know were possible, she plunged herself into her music, she was now being very influenced by a woman called Dinah she was letting off some serious songs that hit the soul, this woman's life was in bits but when she sang she made everyone want to feel her pain and dance with joy at the same time Cedes loved her. Her life became sleeping late till, by late she woke at around 9am every morning for her day job: she'd left eh cleaning job, studio at 3.30pm, back home at 4pm to read Sam's letter twice a week and write her reply, before leaving after dinner to post it before finding her way to The Shack in the evenings to perform, if she wasn't performing she was just having some social time with the girls that frequented the place getting home for the usual 2am to find sleep. Truth be told not many of her new friends knew she was even married, let alone to a white man, she didn't see the reason or feel the need to tell them.

It was his birthday soon and she wanted to send him something special and on time, today she grabbed pen and paper and started writing, she'd wrote his name so many times and screwed the paper up, she sat wondering why she was finding this so hard "Just write what you think woman" she told herself, knowing the task was mammoth because of how they'd left things, her mind wondered on him in different way today, she smiled as she saw his naked body laying on the bed in that hotel room and the feeling that brought for her "I've got it" she giggled as pen touched paper

Dear Husband

 ** _The very thought of you and I forget to do, the little ordinary things that everyone ought to do  
I'm living in a kind of daydream, I'm happy as a king, and foolish though it may seem, to me that's everything  
The mere idea of you, the longing here for you, you'll never know how slow the moments go till I'm near to you  
I see your face in every flower, your eyes in stars above, it's just the thought of you, the very thought of you, my love  
I see your face in every flower, your eyes in stars above, it's just the thought of you, the very thought of you, my love_**

I couldn't think of anything more special to us that would get through, I love you

Happy Birthday

From Your Wife

She smiled before putting the pen down, grabbing the envelop attaching the stamp before popping the letter in and sealing it, ready to do her usual journey

Her friend Dinah had just been nominated for a Grammy Award for her new song 'What a difference a day makes' and everyone around the block was excited about it, Cedes even more so when Dinah picked her to go to the award ceremony with her, so Sam's birthday was extra special to her today "Look at this place" Cedes walked in gasping as she looked at the beautifully set tables at the front, waiters around the room just waiting to serve, she smiled as she remembered her job back home for that second "Where do we sit?" she nudged Dinah to ask

"Up the back here" she told her directing her to a few tables that were not dressed as fine as the others were

"Seriously, where do we sit?" she looked at Dinah for the joke asking

"Seriously girl this is it" Dinah told her

Mercy sat all night tasting that sour pill as the majority of the room drank red wine like it was going out of fashion and left so much food it was surely a sin, her mind flashed back to the stories her Grandma told about her own Grandma being a maid in the big house and not even being able to eat the left overs, which were fed to the animals and the whippings that happened if a slave was caught stealing the left overs "Nothings changed" she said out loud as she clapped Dinah's Grammy win along with all the hypocrites in the room, hate wanted to spew out of her and she willed it to come but every time she willed it Sam came up in her mind and it wouldn't come out. She finally gave up trying and left them to themselves, Sam was right, there was no way to change a set mind if they didn't know the difference between wrong and right.

Sam was up with the owls and down with the birds, his mind was focused on showing his worth to his editors, he'd write his letter to Cedes every other night and post it either while he was out on location or on his way to the main offices in Los Angeles. All day he'd be waiting for a flight or running around with the rest of the reporters trying to get that bit of news that set him above the rest. When he finally got a night where sleep looked like it was going to happen those were the hardest, Cedes was heavy on his mind, she was writing but not, if anyone could understand what he was trying to tell them, her letters talked about weather, work, home and loneliness, nothing about love, need, want or even sex he really didn't know what to expect with every letter

"Sam" Barry his colleague shouted jerking him out of his thoughts "Come on birthday boy it's time to party" he grabbed hold of his shoulders telling him

They were in Los Angeles for a week and he'd have loved to have gone home for a few days but he had one night off, and the journey needed at least three days plus on top of that he really needed to talk to Cedes and spend some quality time so he'd opted to have a drink with the guys "I'm coming" he got up telling him

They got to the bar and Sam smiled when a small cake came out with three women attached just before the shots came out. As the night went on tongues got loose, talk became free and hands wondered, he was well on the way to taking up all the attention he was receiving "You want some company?" one of the girls finally asked

"No thanks, I'm married" he smiled politely

"We're all married" Barry laughed

"But I'm married and in love with my wife" he told him

"It's your damn birthday"

"Yep, but I still love my wife" Sam finally got up telling him "I'm done" he announced grabbing his jacket as he went off to his room

"Evans" he heard spinning round to see an officer walking towards him "I hear it's your birthday?" he asked handing him a letter

"Yes Sir it is" he smiled

"Happy birthday" the officer said shaking his hand before walking away

Sam got to his barracks before he opened the letter, he knew it was from Cedes, he trembled at the thought that this might be it as he opened the letter seeing a yellow flower fall out he picked it up and smiled at the memory of him putting those yellow flowers in the hotel room the morning of their wedding before he sat watching her sleep for a sort while giggling at how lucky he was to have found her. He unfolded the letter and giggled as he read the words his mind hearing her singing to him as he read "She still loves me" he cheered hugging the letter until he fell asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Letters passed more frequent after that saying things they both wanted to say, Sam's mood changed and so did the tone of their letters

 _My Love_

 _When we're communicating like this I don't need long letters just honest feelings, I love when I get your letters reminding me every moment of the day that I have something to look forward to, that someone out there loves me for who I am and what I'm trying to do. Although we're so far apart right now you're still my favourite part of the day, when I'm under the covers reading your letters and getting that feeling we share by just being in each others company. Did I tell you lately I love you, sounds so nice to get that out the very thought (Ha)_

 _I love my wife (Mrs Evans) PS I've sent something special for Christmas_

He'd smile as he posted his letter of love knowing in a few days she'd be curled up in their bed reading it and thinking about him

 _My Love_

 _Love is always on my mind when I think about you, you've been away so long I ache for your touch, the warmth of your hands, even just holding me in your arms while I sleep. The kisses you place on my lips, making me so very happy, I wished that present were you, I could use some you right now, the more time we spend apart the more I long for you but I also fear we'll be stranger to each other, I frown but I smile too as I remember that first time for us, hurry home so we can get married all over again (Ha)_

 _I love you right back husband (Mr Evans)_

Those last few months hadn't ended quick enough for Cedes she was wound up, on heat, nervous, feeling she'd have to start all over again with her husband, and excited for what she knew their nights would be filled with, one night to go and she couldn't sleep. They'd argued one night, when he'd called from base, because she was feeling lonely and somewhere in there she'd threatened to do something that would mean he wouldn't want to come back to her, he interpreted that as her sleeping with someone else and let slip that he was going to be home for Christmas. It wasn't what he'd wanted to happen but it done the trick, defused the argument in an instant as Cedes got into planning mode, well, plan she was getting enough food in so they wouldn't have to go outside for weeks.

He'd be turning up at the station at 3am and making his way home, she lay in bed wondering if he'd have changed, would he still love her, had he been faithful "Stop it" she rolled across her bed telling herself "He said he loves you, he asked you to wait" she took a deep breath sunk into his pillow and found sleep. The next morning she was up early, she'd got two jobs to do and her husband was coming in about 3am, she ran around almost on air getting things done, finishing her gig at 1.30am and rushing home to cook something for her husband.

She was in the kitchen cooking when she heard the door shut and knew he'd entered the house "Cedes" he shouted as he rushed towards the bedroom "Cedes" he shouted again before appearing at the doorway "God you're here" he smiled

"Where else am I going to be?" she looked over her shoulder asking him

"I missed you" he walked towards her saying she could hear him getting closer but she refused to turn to look at him, she was surprised she was still a little mad at him for leaving her so long, she felt his hand touch her hair to pull it back off her neck, tucking the lose strands behind her ear, heard his breath deep almost upset coming towards her, as much as she tried to fight the temptation she closed her eyes and went with the shiver it sent through her body "I missed you" he whispered in her ear before kissing her neck, so intimately she fell back onto his chest "Say you missed me too"

She turned her head to finally look at him and somehow her body followed without permission, she looked up into his eyes, and knew he was still her everything, his hand grabbed her face and trailed down her cheek to her lips his eyes watching his hand as it went, he played there far too long for her she was on fire, it had come from nowhere and everywhere, she could wait no longer, she reached up and pulled his mouth to hers, staying there for the longest time "I missed you" she finally said when she let him up and found his eyes again "I need my husband" she told him as he pulled her in and kissed her deeper

"Turn the oven off" he told her as his hands relaxed around her waist, he stood watching her do that before he picked her up and took her to bed

"I actually forgot it could be like that" he laughed as they lay exhausted in their bed

"Me too" she laughed looking across at him, happy she'd fallen in love with her husband all over again, she felt alive, tingly, happy, exhausted and loved "I love you Sam Evans" she told him when their eyes met

"I love you too Cedes Evans" he smiled pulling her to him "I never want to be away that long again"

"I agree" she looked up at him the smile fading from her face

"What's up?" he looked at her concerned asking

"Did you... I mean did you.. have you been seeing anyone?" she sat up asking

"No, we're married, I wouldn't do that" he sat up looking at her in disbelief

"Promise?"

"Absolutely, I wouldn't do that" he told her his face softening when he saw how insecure she was "I mean it when I say I love you Cedes, I need you to always know that"

"I know that" she smiled hugging into him as she sung their song _**'The mere idea of you, the longing here for you, you'll never know how slow the moments go till I'm near to you'**_

"Believe me I do" he kissed her nose telling her, before they found sleep

 **1960**

Christmas came and went and they were into 1960 there was great unrest as the country feared they were heading towards a crisis, Sam was busy reporting on what was happening at home and abroad, Cedes was scared for what this might mean for her brother, now 18 and more than fit to fight in this gruesome political upheaval that surely had nothing to do with common people. Later that year it was announced that The Congo crisis was real America supported opposing factions and already 40,000 people were said to have been killed. She knew for sure her fears for her brother had ground, when Sam got a letter telling him he needed to present for service, of course she wanted to fight it but the alternative was prison so there was no option, she waved him off and went home to cry for a week before she was called to help in the upkeep of the forces making any uniforms the soldiers needed.

It was a life that was no life at all as letters expected failed to arrive, soldiers marched around the streets giving bad news to families about their fallen soldiers, mothers, sisters, wives and children crying every day and the work to help the fighting few still carried on, weeks turned into months then years as no end to this crisis could be seen. Then just as all hope was lost of ever hearing from Sam again a letter came, Cedes sat crying for the best part of a day, she'd had no idea what she was going to do next if he didn't come back, she was scared to open the letter for what he had to say maybe this was it the end, she saw night coming and finally got off the bed and made her way to the dining table picked the letter up and read it

 _Cedes_

she read wondering why he hadn't said darling, sweetheart, my love, my dear wife or something like that, she looked around the room looking for the courage to carry on reading 'He always calls you Cedes' she reminded herself as her eyes fell back to the letter in her hand

 _It's literally been hell on earth and I really want to be home right now but the ….._

"What the hell are all these black marks" she asked looking at a page full of writing scribbled out "He finally gets a letter through and they've scribbled every damn thing out" she searched the letter back and front as she spoke

… _Anyway enough of my problems, I love you just remember that, and that I'll be home soon – Sam_

"Really" she threw the letter down telling it she was maybe more upset now than she was before she read the three lines out of maybe twenty they'd left unmarked

The barrage of letters that weren't letter went on for a while until all she was getting back was notes telling her he longed to be home and he loved her, she concluded that they were censoring her letters too, for his responses, and took to writing about work, the weather and home along with love, her lack of it and what he needed to do to fix that when he got back.

Cedes learned to become dependent on her friends down at the joint in his absence, they were a healthy bunch of friends that respected each other and had music in common. Of course there were opportunities for other relationships to flourish, that was always going to happen with some thirsty men seeing opportunity with all these neglected women around, but she was focused, she'd given up too much for this relationship and Sam had promised that would never happen, she respected that.

 **1965**

Nearly five years and seven more almost letters later she sat with her lady friends, at her now day job, sowing uniforms and listening to the radio shocked when the announcement came telling them the crisis was finally over, they threw the sheets down and started dancing in the factory, Diana was up and coming by now along with others that had got on that R&B bandwagon. Black people were making themselves known which really wasn't going down well with some of the powers that be, which presented a tough time for many, payola; although illegal, was becoming a common avenue to get black people's sound heard. The music industry was being saturated by all different sounds, musically it was an exciting time, Cedes was excited by it, she found her calling, she really wanted to sing

There was no indication when Sam was actually going to arrive home, she just prayed daily and hoped for an answer, then one day she heard the door open, she actually collapsed when he came walking through the door of their apartment, she was in such anticipation for him coming back, he ran to pick her up off the kitchen floor and took her through to their bed, just watching her sleep was fulfilling one of his many dreams over these five years, he waited for her to come round before he gave her water and a smile "Hi" he grinned as she opened her eyes, happy to see them light up for him

"Hi" she smiled as she lay waiting for him to kiss her, concerned when he didn't

"I have something to say" he got up telling her a sadness overcoming his face as he looked back at her, she couldn't take her eyes off him her insides where a mess, she didn't even know what she was thinking right now

"Something... to say?" she asked as she watched him fidgeting, standing in front of her

"Yeah" he took his hat off his head and folded it in his hands still fidgeting with it as he looked back at her, his mind wondering whether this was the right thing to do "It's been five years" he rolled his eyes like that was something either of them needed to be reminded of

"I know" she looked at him saying

"And well I'm a man"

"And I'm a woman" she smiled swinging her legs as they dangled off the bed

"I'm sorry Cedes, there's been others, I slept with other women"

"You did what?" she looked up at him asking as tears sprung from somewhere

"I'm sorry, it's just well five years is a long time to..." he held his hand out wanting to touch her but unsure what she'd think of that right now

"Did they mean anything to you?"

"What?" he asked shocked "No they meant nothing, I was missing my wife"

"Did you get checked?"

"Yes, but I used protection anyway, they gave them to us, the officers I mean"

"I don't know what I feel" she got up and left the room telling him

He followed her out, watching her as she went back to the kitchen and carried on preparing their meal "Cedes we need to talk about ..."

"...Don't talk Sam" she banged about telling him

He'd prepared himself for this, he expected her mad to last a long time and he deserved it, he told himself that after every time he messed with one of those girls, but no matter how much he'd prepared himself what he felt now was one hundred times worse than he'd ever imagined. He sat wondering if any of it was worth it, slapping himself for his weakness, stealing looks at her when he thought she wasn't looking. Right now as he sat feeling like a total failure, knowing he'd hurt his wife in the worst way and that she was probably standing their regretting the day she'd agreed to be his wife, he couldn't think of anyone he wanted more, now or ever "I can't not talk Cedes" he finally got up to walk towards her saying "I know this thing I did is unforgiveable but I was in an impossible situation for five years"

"So was I" she turned to say

"What are you saying?" he stopped walking to ask

"I was in an impossible situation too"

"What you slept with someone?" he hadn't even thought of that being a possibility, how could he have been so naive

"Why, would it matter if I had?"

"Of course it would matter"

"Why?" she smiled "Five years is a long time isn't it?" she reminded him

"Cedes what are you telling me?" he grabbed her to face him asking

"That I was in an impossible situation too" she looked into his eyes saying "And we won't speak of it ever again"

"And that's it?" he asked surprised that she was leaving it at that, he really wanted to know what his wife had been up to while he'd been away, and if he agreed this right now he was never going to know "Cedes" his voice verging on angry "What are you not telling me?"

"I'm not telling you anything, I've done nothing except sit and wait for you"

"So why..."

"Okay" she smiled opening her blouse slowly as she watched his face change from upset to aroused "Lets start again" she pulled the blouse off telling him, at that point he really didn't care what either of them had done in the past right now was all that counted and of course for the rest of their lives, she ran her finger along her breastbone running them down her body as he stood watching her skirt fall off as she unzipped it, she stood in front of him naked. He pulled her back into him and took her swollen nipple in his mouth, she was so in need of her husbands touch, whatever they needed to say to each other could wait until after this, she longed for this, as she lifted her hands to remove his jacket and watched as he quickly removed his clothes to stand in front of her naked too

"I have a treat for us, and I guess it's a sorry" he let her nipple go to tell her, pushing her back to sit on the kitchen table "This is my first time and I'm going from hearsay so forgive me if it's not right but we'll get time to perfect it" he told her as his hand went down her body and found what he was looking for

"God I missed you Sam" she gasped as she felt his hand search her insides, his mouth sending tingles through her nipples around her body "Wow" she gasped as he touched her sensitive spot making him smile as his mouth travelled down her stomach "What are you doing?" her eyes opened to look at him

"Our treat" he smiled as she saw his head getting seriously close to her pubic hair

"Sam" she shouted in protest seconds before his mouth attached itself to her spot and sucked just enough to send the most sensational shiver through her body "God" she gasped as minutes later she was ramming his face onto her, like her life depended on it, when he felt like he'd sucked the life out of her his head popped up with a smile

"I think I'm trying to say I'm sorry" he told her as she pulled him up she needed more

"That was indescribable, but I need my man" she told him as they got to being together again for the rest of the day and night

She woke up to him smiling down at her, he hadn't had a very good night, she'd woken several times watching him fighting the enemy in his sleep and at one point she'd mistakenly shaken him out of his nightmare which nearly resulted in him slapping her, he seemed to wake up but when he merely smiled, stroked her face and went back to sleep she lay not scared by weary. They'd been briefed about the after effects of conflict on their men, so she expected some aftermath and hoped that his booked sessions for counselling would help in the long run.

 **1966**

The up side of the end of the crisis intervention for Sam and Cedes was that there were more couples like them emerging, she'd made friends with some of the local women through work, things weren't so strained for them, now going out together didn't draw so much attention in their parts. 10 months after arriving back home Sam had finally finished his counselling sessions and was lucky enough to get his job back at The Harold, he was happy

They were out shopping one Saturday afternoon, after just buying some new curtains, which Cedes knew were too big for the window, but Sam insisted on buying them anyway, and were on their way to get her another dress for his Editors ball coming up when Sam grabbed a cab

"Get in" he looked at her smiling as he spoke

"Where are we going?" she asked sending his smile back as she did as instructed

"You'll see" he jumped in after her and shut the door, handing the driver a piece of paper before the cab moved off

"What about my dress?"

"We have two weeks" he laughed "Relax" he dropped the few bags he had in his hand on the cab floor and put his arm around his wife as he sat back "I hope you'll like it" they drove for about 15 minutes following Sam's instruction before the cab came to a halt outside a white and grey single story house with a big bay window on the right as you looked at it about five steps leading up to the front door and a gate at the side indicating there was a garden attached. A beautiful leafy tree under the smaller window on the left of the door with a small porch across the left window "What do you think?" he asked stepping out the cab

"It's nice" she smiled as she came out the cab looking around at down the very clean street

"It has three bedrooms, a big living room, great kitchen and utility room, space for a car here and..."

"...We don't have a car" she looked at him saying

"Not yet" he smiled "What do you think?" he asked again as they walked towards the front door

"Why are you going to buy it?" she laughed

"I sort of already did"

"You did?" she gasped holding her chest "Can we afford this?" the front of the house alone bigger than her Grandma's house back in Jamaica

"We can afford it" he laughed guiding her up the stairs towards the front door and opening it revealing the open space leading to the living room to the right and small bedroom on the left, the bathroom behind the small bedroom, kitchen behind the living room and two further bedrooms down the hall "What do you think?" he asked when they arrived back at the front door

"I love our new home" she smiled grabbing him round the neck as she jumped, the ride home was all about the new furniture, curtains and carpets

They went out for a meal, which wasn't the norm for them and on the walk home decided to make a night of it, Cedes took him to The Shack, he'd never been there before, she'd never invited him, so now she was ready for this next step he was up for it.

"The music's sort of changed it's got a what we now call Rhythm and blues or R&B edge to it, I've been banging heads with a lot of up and coming artists" she looked at her hands telling him

"What are you not telling me?" he asked watching her fidget

"Noth..."

"Just tell me" he sat up demanding

"I think, that's what I want to do too, sing"

"That's fine" he smiled "I understand that dream, I hope you make it a reality" he hugged her saying

They got inside the dark, misty club, Sam started coughing for all the smoking going on as some man played the hell out of his saxophone sweating buckets as girls stood in front of him jiving but it wasn't a jive he knew, this was so different from the clubs he was used to, couples were dotted around the dance floor bodies attached as they danced more provocatively than he was used to, while the single girls stood watching and rocking. Sam stood taking in the scene for a while before his attention turned to the bar to order drinks, Cedes was chatting away to people she was more than familiar with this being her place of work, he gave her the drink and told her he was going to find a table. He sat watching her move about the room, she was comfortable here, these were her people, she spoke her own language, made her jokes, shared her memories, it suddenly hit him that she'd given up so much to melt into his way of life and really he hadn't batted an eyelid enough to even think how the change might have affected her. He smiled as he remembered their journey to America the quiet, the sweat, the crying and then the singing "She didn't think twice about it either" he told himself as he watched her coming towards him "How do you feel?" he looked across the table at her asking

"At home" she smiled as she put her drink on the table and looked round at these people that made her feel like she had a home away from home "How do you feel?"

"Happy you're happy I guess"

"You guess?"

"I'm happy" he laughed as a man came up to her grabbing her hand

"Come dance and stop moping" he said smiling at Sam as he spoke

"Clifton this is Sam my husband" she pulled her hand away from him saying

"Sorry, she's always moping about, we just want to see her happy" Clifton told a very angry faced Sam

"I've got her now" Sam replied not bothering to shake this guys hand, he hadn't offered it anyway, he sat wondering if he was one of his wife's play things while he'd been away

"No Sam" she smiled as if she'd read his mind "I didn't do anything but wait while you were away" she grabbed his hand telling him, finally he could breathe again "These are my friends please be nice"

"Sing for me, let me see my wife in action" his eyes telling her he loved her and appreciated her telling him that, she was happy he was interested in what she wanted to do she got up and found the mic, dedicated her song to her husband in front of everyone, he really didn't expect such a public announcement but he was so proud she felt enough to do it, he held his chest as she brought tears to his eyes when she sung her version of their song **'The Very Thought Of You' by Natalie Cole** to him in the club "You need to sing" he told her kissing her as she left the stage for his arms

After a few drinks Sam was ready for some dancing, Cedes took him on the floor and done her best, he smiled as he remembered the sweating guy on the stage, now here he was sweating, and trying to keep himself in check for the pressure Cedes was putting on him _'Remind me not to let her drink outside the house again'_ he sent himself a note saying, the night closing as they'd expected as they fell into bed and clung to each other

The following week Sam asked Cedes to meet him at Pineapples; a restaurant near his workplace offices, she jumped on the bus and made the journey smiling as she left the almost ghetto ridden area where they lived through suburbia and into the town centre, feeling the definite shift as people of her colour became less visible, she was so out of her depth. She got off the bus and made her way to the restaurant on Sam's instructions smiling when she saw him waiting there "Hi" she smiled looking around the room to assess how she needed to act

"Hi" he smiled kissing her cheek, chuckling at her pulling away and looking around "I really don't care what anyone thinks about us, they don't get to define us remember?"

"Yeah" she smiled sitting at the empty chair opposite him

"I want you to come meet my boss, I thought you're coming to the Editors ball next week and I don't need it to be all whispers and gossip for us, if they've got anything to say they get a week"

"Are you sure about this?"

"Positive, we want to change the world right?"

"Right"

"Come on lets do this we can come back for food after, I'm buzzed for this"

"Buzzed?"

"Yeah excited"

"You so called American's don't even speak English anymore" she laughed as they got up

Cedes had seen the building before she'd rode past it so many times when Sam had been away on some story, cursing the people inside it at taking her man away, she felt she knew every brick. Now she was getting to go inside and more over meet Sam's boss, he must have sensed her nerves he grabbed hold of her hand and squeezed it tight "They'll love you"

"They will?" she asked gasping as the doors opened to the gigantic lobby, people rushing around talking, laughing, reading everyone doing something, Sam gripped her hand and pulled her with him as he crossed the lobby and walked into the elevator up to the 25th floor, she felt dizzy at the thought of being so high, she looked up at Sam smiling _**'It's just the thought of you, the very thought of you, my love'**_ he hummed calming them down as the doors opened. She gasped at the sight this place looked even more busy than downstairs, she was stuck in a spot, her feet wouldn't move, she could see Sam looking at her but she couldn't move

"I'm here" he said as her eyes focused on him "I'm here" he told her pulling her again and this time she moved

People stood watching them walk through the office shocked when they stopped at Mr Wright's office door and Sam knocked it "Come in" they heard thunder through the office, Sam looked around grabbed the handle and pushed the door open

"Mr Wright" he smiled as he walked in "We, that is my wife and I" he looked at Cedes as he spoke "Wanted to forewarn you that well, we are who we are we make no excused for us and well... If you have objections to us attending the Editors ball together, I'll happily not attend"

"I will say Sam, you're very brave, you both are" he smiled at Cedes saying as he got up "Pleased to meet you Mrs Evans" he offered his hand for her to shake "But you're not the only interracial couple in the building and whoever thinks whatever can go to hell as far as I'm concerned"

"Thank you Sir" he smiled, there was a bit more conversation before they left the office with Cedes making a promise not to be a stranger, they had their meal and chatted happy that they'd broken another barrier they thought they had "I can't believe how much he liked you" he sat across from her smiling

"He was impressed I guess"

"I was impressed, you just keep making me love you more" he grabbed her hand across the able telling her

"Sam" she smiled as their fingers intermingled "You have no idea how much more I love you"

The following week was taken up with preparations for the Ball, they were overwhelmed with the support they received from his colleagues and their wives and also to see how many interracial couples there were of all denominations, every mix you could think of was represented in that room. Someone commented it wasn't surprising as reporter travelled all over the world for news and had more access to different cultures, races and classes than nearly any other profession at this time.

Life went on like that for a while, they moved into their new home brought all their new furniture, Sam was back doing local work away on Wednesdays and Sundays, so those days Cedes sung at the bar and things were good.

They were sitting watching TV one evening when Cedes became restless again "What's the matter?" Sam asked fed up with her moving about as he tried to get into the film

"I need a conversation" she turned to look at him

"What do you want to talk about?" he picked his drink up asking before he took a sip

"A baby" she announced as she watched him choke on his drink "Can we have a baby?"

"I didn't know you wanted children, I mean do you think we're ready for that?"

"Yeah, I think we're ready for that" she smiled back "We're nearly thirty"

"I need time to think about it"

"Fine" she smiled, happy at not getting a no straight away

Sam smiled that she was willing to wait for his answer, he already had it, he wanted children, he wanted children with her, he just never knew how to ask her to do something like that without her feeling she was being pressured or expected to procreate "I'd love a baby" he whispered in her ear

"You would?" she turned smiling at him "You played me didn't you?" she tickled him asking

"I did" he laughed "I can't wait to have our babies" he giggled as he wriggled out of her grip "Can we start..." was all he got out before Cedes covered his mouth with hers, the next few months was all about baby making, every available minute was focused. On her visit to the doctors in month five after her cycle missed they were past happy when they were told she was pregnant.

 **1967**

The first trimester was sickly, the second was argumentative and the third was sleepy, but they survived and when their beautiful baby boy was born, loosely curled brown hair with blond streaks through them, hardly any eyebrows, nose flat cross its clef, wide green eyes and the plumpest lips you'd ever find on a baby, as he stretched his arms came out and seemed to find another joint they were so long, and his legs did the same. They fell in love instantly and after her week in hospital they went home with their new family to get into family life.

"Sam" Cedes nudged him in the night as she heard Dwight moaning "Sam, it's your turn" she poked him saying "Give him his water"

"Okay" he jumped out of his sleep telling her disorientated, Dwight was still waking up for a feed each night and they were trying to break him out of it, if Cedes got up she was going to give in and breast feed him so Sam had said he'd do the night feed with water. Cedes was happy for the rest, their son had her breast feeding him nearly every two hours during the day and at three months she had no choice but to give in to his demands, Sam wanted his wife to himself and was keen to at least get him sleeping through the night

They were happy for a while in their little family bubble, but there was something missing for them, it was unspoken but they knew how each other felt, they had this new person the joy of their lives and no one to really share him with, they were fine when it was just the two of them they knew their roots, made their choice even, but now Dwight Kane Evans was in the picture he needed to know his roots too.

It had been 11 years since they'd left Jamaica, her Mom crying, her Dad angry, they hadn't set foot back in Tennessee either since the dreadful change your name thing with his parents, it had been hard, through some of their rough times, not to have a parent to turn to but they'd managed, found that in other places, they'd even learned to deal with a part of them constantly feeling lonely.

He'd come in from work and smiled as he made his way through the hall at the silence in the house, this was rare especially with 9 month old Dwight crawling around the house, he was used to hearing Cedes following Dwight around, saving the ornaments she loved so much. He popped his head round the living room door expecting to see it empty and saw her flipping her Grandma's pearls around her fingers, he knew what needed to be done, the following week he booked their tickets, got a holiday week from work for around Christmas and sat back with the surprise in his head.

His wife needed her family right now, he needed his if he'd openly admit it, but he was scared about facing his, until he knew with conviction that they weren't going to reject their child he couldn't face them, he'd end up doing someone some damage so it was best to stay away from them. He'd promised her the day they left that they'd make it back and after all this time he was financially able to fulfil that promise, he needed to give his family every opportunity to be truly happy. Dwight would be nearly 1 year old by then so travel was possible, he knew Cedes wouldn't fight him on this in fact he expected at least a kiss

"Hey" he smiled as she came through the door, she was back singing at the club, she was actually the main act now, others had got up and made it global but Cedes sort of put her family first and decided, on her own, that the baby was their priority. At times Sam felt that had something to do with the rejection from her family but he never questioned it, he just made sure he was home in time for Dwight's bedtime every night, and that his wife was happy when she went to bed, that was working for him.

"Hey" she walked over to him for her usual kiss "I'm tired" she sat next to him saying "And I know it's been a while for us but I really need to sleep, do you mind"

"No" he laughed "But I do need a word"

"One word" she lay her head on the back of the couch telling him

"Home"

"Yeah, what about it?"

"We're going" he laughed "That's two words"

"I don't get it we're going home, we're sitting here" she lifted her head telling him

"Jamaica I promised we'd make it back regular and I guess this is me making good on a promise"

"When?"

"Christmas for a week"

"God Sam" she said kissing him long and hard "Thank you" she lay on his chest smiling "But what will we do if they reject Dwight, I'd never forgive them?" she jumped up asking

"Then we'd walk away knowing we'd done our bit"

"Fine" she smiled "Lets go to bed" she jumped up grabbing his hand

"I thought you were tired?"

"I am but you can still hold me, I want to make you feel loved up husband" she giggled

"Then just tell me" he pulled her back towards him saying

She looked up at him as he pressed her against his chest holding her hand behind her back as he pulled her to him, his eyes glistening with anticipation like he'd never heard her say it before, at this moment she didn't feel those three little words merited what she felt inside "I don't even want to think about what life would be like without you in it, your my soulmate, I can't believe how perfect we are for each other, I'd known you for a day and I fell so hard and truth be told I've never stopped falling, I'm in love with you Sam Evans and it's a love like no other, it's forever"

"I know in my heart I'll never love anyone as much as I love you, you leave me breathless" he grabbed her lips telling her, she actually forgot she was tired that night, but she remembered in the morning when she woke up late for work, Sam laughed and offered to stay home with Dwight for her to rush off. He got him ready for nursery and finished his day later.

A week later they were on their way to the station to get to the airport, sitting waiting to board their flight he looked at her fretting for what she was about to meet, _**'I see your face in every flower, your eyes in stars above, it's just the thought of you the very thought of you, my love'**_ he hummed as he pulled her closer to him "I love you, we love you" he looked at Dwight telling her

"I know, it's just now I'm making this trip, I miss them"

"I know"

"I don't know if I can take the rejection all over again"

"I know"

They got on their flight and made the 3 hour trip over to Jamaica booking into the Jamaica Inn a very different atmosphere to the one they left some nearing 12 years ago. It now had black and white visitors from all over the world, staying in rooms side by side "Hello" they heard as they went to push the key into their family suite

"Miss Flo" Cedes turned smiling at the woman "We're visiting nothings wrong" she giggled as she walked towards the woman for a hug "Nice to see you"

"Nice to see you too girl, family woman now I see" she acknowledged softly pinching Dwight's cheek

"Yeah" she looked at her son proudly saying "His name's Dwight"

"Hello Dwight" Flo said playing with his hand for a while before she left them to unpack and get settled in

"You know everyone in Jamaica knows we're here now don't you?" she laughed telling Sam

"Everybody" he looked at her nodding his head

They sat around for a while, talking about how they were going to approach her parents, what would happen in the event of rejection and even talking her down from the possibility of slapping her Mom back. Dwight was getting restless so Sam suggested they take him for a walk around the complex, to tire him out so he'd sleep later, he was running around confidently now, so they just needed four pairs of eyes and swift feet to catch him.

"Come on then" Cedes jeered as she watched Sam getting Dwight ready trying to create a cool look with his green shorts, white vest and Green and white summer cap

"Tell Mommy we're coming" he smiled at him as he confirmed he was looking slick before they stepped out "Evans men are ready to walk the line with Evans woman" he saluted as he grabbed Dwight's hand and walked towards Cedes to grab her hand too and leave the room.

They got in the foyer and laughed as Dwight wriggled his hand away from his Daddy's and ran off "Dwight" Sam shouted running after his son who seemed to have picked up speed with space, leaving Cedes standing watching them

"Cedes" she heard as she watched her husband and child in chase, turning as she gasped to see her parents standing in the doorway of the hotel "Flo told us you were here" her Dad told her in response to her shocked look

"Oh" she said looking back in the direction Sam had left to go in to see him standing looking at the poolside "I'm... I've got to get Sam" she stepped off saying, her parents followed her "Sam" she gasped when she got to him "My parents ..." she got out looking at his face to see shock "What's up?" she asked as she watched her parents coming towards them

"My parents" he said looking at the pool, she turned to look in his eyeline to see his parents sitting laughing with another couple

"Sam" her Father shouted across the room as everyone looked round, Sam was looking at his parents so he saw their reaction when they turned and saw him standing there, he expected them to turn back to their conversation and pretend as they'd said that he was dead but they came moving towards him.

"Cedes" he turned to her saying "We're not ready for this" he grabbed her hand saying

"Protect Dwight" she ordered as Sam let her hand go for seconds to pick him up before grabbing her again

"I'm here" he looked at her saying

"I'm here" she smiled back at him

Everything seemed to be happening all at the same time in slow motion, but still there was no time to do anything they just had to stand and watch the two sets of parents coming towards them.

"Sam" the two men said at the same time, he was still frozen, they both were but it was Cedes who sprung to life first

"Hello" she looked at the four parents saying "This is Dwight our son" she looked at Sam standing with Dwight in his hand saying

Sam took his unspoken cue and followed it up with "Dwight Kane Evans" he announced as all four looked at their grandchild "And I didn't force Cedes to have him, we love each other, we just thought you needed to know that Dwight existed and he needed to know you guys existed too"

"We'd love you to be involved but we understand if you don't want to be" Cedes told them as she watched their Mom's walking towards them

"You first" Sam's Mom told Cedes Mom as she stretched her hands out to take hold of her grandson, she cried as she held him and kissed his face repeatedly before handing him over for Sam's Mom to do the same before passing Dwight over to his Grandfather Evans

"Handsome young man" he smiled kissing his forehead telling Sam and Cedes before passing him on to Grandfather Jones, Sam gasped he couldn't believe he'd just witnessed his racist father kiss his son and say nice things about him to boot

"He's definitely a Jones" Cedes Dad laughed as he held him up in the air making him laugh, and Cedes smile at a vision she'd longed to see

"Can we sit down?" Sam's Mom asked, looking around for an empty table, and pointing to one when she found it, they all moved off to fill the seats

"We didn't expect this" Sam told them as he sat down pulling a chair closer to him for Cedes to sit in, as he watched Dwight bouncing on his Grandfather's knee

"First off I guess I should mind my manners and say pleased to meet you Mr & Mrs …?"

"Jones" Cedes Dad jumped up "It's Ida and Moses Jones"

"And we're Mr & Mrs Evans but Daniel and Ann to you" Daniel smiled as he offered his hand telling them "So we've become a family?" he looked at Dwight telling everyone as he riffled his hair, Sam and Cedes looked at each other baffled "Son" he suddenly turned to Sam addressing "We had some really harsh words with you the last time we met and in all honestly I truly regret every word I said but most of all the ones that banished you from your home"

"And Cedes" Ann butted in "I'm truly sorry for the comments I made about your colour, and insinuating that you were not worthy of our son"

"We thought you went to go live with Sam's family, I had no idea you were alone" Ida gasped as she came to her realisation

"And I'm sorry for disrespecting you Sam" Moses shook his hand telling him, looking back at Sam's blank face, he was still in shock about the whole thing "When you came to her Grandma's house" he reminded him

"Yes I know when" he looked at him replying "I'm just trying to take in all this change of heart stuff" he giggle nervously

"And to you too Cedes, for what I said that led to you leaving your home" he smiled at her saying "We'd like you all to come to our house for evening meal, if it's not too much out your way?" he asked

Cedes looked at Sam with a glow in her eyes she longed to see her Grandma and cousins, who were obviously all big people now "Can we?"

"Of course" he grabbed her hand telling her "Give us a couple of hours and well be there, just to sort Dwight out" he turned to her Dad saying "Mom, Dad you up for it?" he turned to his parents asking, suddenly realising it had been over 11 years since he'd used those words, to them anyway, before he realised whatever was going on in Cedes head wasn't good, she hadn't mention any of them by name yet "Are you alright Cedes?" he shook her hand asking

"Yeah" she gave him as an unconvincing reply

"Will you excuse us for a minute?" he got up looking around the parents asking pulling Cedes to go with him

"Bring Dwight" she told him

"He'll be alright" he pulled her with him telling her

"Bring Dwight" she said a bit louder dragging her hand away from him, he looked around the table, smiled at her Dad and took Dwight from him before grabbing her hand and walking off with them

"What's all that about?" he asked looking around the bar and pool as he spoke

"They banished us from our homes, told us we were as good as dead to them and for 11 years they were happy to live that way, what the hell changed, why do your parents love your little black baby now, why is my Dad even acknowledging you now, I don't understand, I need to know why it took them this long, if they really have had a change of heart, why? this is all too much and now they want to leave a perfectly good restaurant here and go eat at their house, something is wrong"

"What are you saying?" he looked at Dwight before looking back at her "They want to poison us?"

"No I don't think it's anything like that, I just need to know why everyone's changed their minds about us, something just doesn't feel right"

"Okay let me handle this" he looked back at their parents telling her as they walked back towards the table they all sat at "So" Sam said rather loudly as they sat back down "We've walked away once before and we can do that again if need be, we live a comfortable life, we both work and we still have love so if this is another attempt of getting us to see sense it needs to stop now"

"I feel ashamed" Moses told them without being prompted "After you left Mama had a word or two to say to me, to us actually, and we remembered how I came from St Ann's over to Montego Bay to get this fine young girl" he hugged her Mom telling her "Plucked her straight out of your Grandma's house and I didn't even stop to ask any questions" he laughed "She reminded me there was always two sides to any story and I didn't listen to yours, I just went ahead laying the law down as I'm used to doing and getting it all wrong"

"Very wrong" Ida butted in "Before I could stop him giving you that ultimatum it was out, and I had to stand by him he's my husband, your father"

"She cried for nearly 6 months didn't speak to me for nearly 2 years and I thought I'd brought our marriage to it's end" he touched foreheads with her saying "Then your Grandma passed and we had no go between anymore, I was devastated"

"Grandma died?" Cedes burst into tears asking

"Grandma Jones yeah, she'd had a good life you knew she was ill"

"Oh yeah I did I still expected to see her before she passed"

"Then of course we went back to your other Grandma's after the funeral, she was bitter"

"Bitter?" Cedes asked unclear

"She wasn't happy with the way things had gone she started spouting stuff about, knowing the difference between right and wrong, us trying to bring back the past and being no better than those people that were fighting to keep us segregated" he looked at Sam's parents telling everyone"

"She told us stuff about Sam we didn't even bother to ask" Ida looked at him saying "About your hurt for what your forefathers had done, your fight against all the injustice in the world, and reminded us there was always two sides to every story"

"Of course by this time you'd gone overseas, we had no way of contacting any of you"

"We seemed to have been fighting the battle from the other side of the fence" Ann told everyone as all heads turned towards her "After what you did, your Dad might have gone along with it but it was me, I was terrified of what my family would say about it and so I guess he fought my corner"

"I knew what your Mom stood to lose in you doing something like that, I had nothing to lose just you and I chose to keep your Mom happy instead of standing by my only son"

"What did you have to lose?" Sam asked puzzled

"My parents, I feared losing my family they were all I had..."

"... So you chose them over your own son?" Sam shouted at her

"No I chose me over you, I chose me" she cried "And I'm ashamed, sorry and not even worthy to be called your Mother but I still love you Sam"

"I could have done with hearing that 12 years ago, we both could have" he spat feeling Cedes grab his hand and knew he had to calm down, he was holding Dwight "So what changed your mind, did the whole family die or something?"

"Mom and Dad did, I told Zeb, Pete and Grace about you two finally, told them they could think what they wanted I didn't care, being away from you was all too painful "

"We heard from your cousin Trudy's husband that there was a Sam Evans working for the Herold in Delaware, he works in the Dallas branch, pulled some strings and found out it was you and that you'd taken time off to come here, the hotel was a total guess"

"You looked for us?"

"Yes" his Dad replied he wasn't about to apologise for doing that

Sam looked at Cedes for a while, trying to make out what she was thinking before he saw a smile on her face "Okay lets get some drinks" he announced as his Dad's hand went up to attract a waiter and order the drinks

"Could we get dinner at yours tomorrow Mom, it's getting late for Dwight and he needs routine?" Cedes asked

"Sure we could eat here if you like"

"That would be good" Cedes smiled "I recommend the Shed, it's got the freshest fish" she laughed "I used to work here" she told Sam's parents

Dwight's routine went out the window that night as they sat talking through their evening meal and beyond, watching Dwight while Sam and Cedes went off for a dance just round the corner before Sam came back to get them all for a dance and they ended the night, with Dwight fast asleep in Grandma Evans' lap before they took their leave and found their room to put their son to sleep.

The week was a bit of a whirlpool, Cedes learned that her brother had gotten married and moved to Gambia to be with his wife's family, of course her grandma Jones had passed two years after she left, and her Grandpa Douglas was seriously ill. They took the next day out to go see him, introducing the family to Dwight which built her Grandpa up a bit, but by the time they were ready to leave they could see the deterioration in his health.

"You have your Grandma's eyes" he touched her face telling her "You're as beautiful as she ever was" he told her bringing tears to Cedes eyes, she knew this was his last days, gone was the man that went into the fields from morning till night so his family could have a descent meal each day.

"Once a man twice a child" her Grandma muttered as she sat quietly in the chair next to his bed, waiting for her life partner of nearly 70 years to leave her alone in this world, they had one more rough day of visits with him before they left

Sam heard of his cousin Ben's demise in the crisis battles and how his Uncle Seth had become ill over the loss of his only son, his parents anguish of not knowing what was happening to him during that time, breakfasts at the hotel, lunch's at some relatives house or with Sam's parents, dinners with everyone that could make it to the hotel and suppers alone every night, and soon their 7 days were up and it was time to leave.

The last night they took Sam's parents up on their offer to watch Dwight while he slept and went to the local hotel disco, that drank, danced and sang the night away, it had been a while since they'd been able to just enjoy each others company "Oh I love this song" Sam grabbed her hand saying as they moved around with him singing in her ear his version of **_'Some Kind Of Wonderful' by Michael Buble_** a few more cocktails and Sam was remembering yet again why he wasn't to let his wife drink when she went out "Time to go" he grabbed her saying just before she climbed the table to do some crazy moves to some lovers rock music that was playing, he could have got into it himself but someone had to be the responsible one

They got back to their room and relieved his parents before falling into bed, the one up side of her drinking this much was he would never know what was going to happen next, she got real experimental sometimes

It was a tearful, but happy goodbye the next day as everyone left, after getting their family back with an unspoken acceptance Sam and Cedes sat on the plane happy, Dwight slept in Sam's lap as he hugged Cedes both smiling as they hummed _**'And foolish though it may seem to me it's everything'**_ they smiled, laughing as they caught each other singing the same thought

 _ **'It's just the thought you'**_ Sam sung looking in her eyes

 _ **'The very thought of you'**_ she sang looking back at him

 _ **'My love'**_ they both sang as Cedes rested her head on his chest, finally an accepted blended family

"We won our war" Cedes smiled up at him

"We did" he kissed her lips saying "Now we need to get him ready to fight his war" they looked down at Dwight saying

"By the time he knows about it he'll have an army behind him" Cedes laughed

"The very thought" he laughed

THE END


End file.
